Treese, I'm not digging you out of your hole, I throwing you out. You spend entirely too much time fretting over what he's doing out in the wild. I do not think he's doing as much as you think he is. Why? No money, really no interest in much and his memory is mush...adds up to depression. They like to play pretend and that's when you and all of the left behind spouses begin to think they are having this great and wonderful life....truth be told....he's stuck somewhere in a dark place and can't get out.
The only way you'll get to where YR is and where many of us who have been at it a very long time is to find other things to keep your mind active and busy. You have to think of him as deceased and in time, you won't be bothered too much with thoughts of him.
Work in the yard, take care of the finger and enjoy life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
