I am struggling w/ the "affair" word.. i dont know why.. i think b/c i didnt set out to hurt him or replace him.. and i really didnt notice that i was feeling so detached until i started feeling so much excitement from the attention...
You keep mentioning that your intention wasn't to hurt your husband or replace him. The bottom line is, you fell into, or got caught up in, the practice of being sexually explicit with, and turned on by the attentions of other men. No it wasn't a full-out physical affair, but emotional affairs are damaging in their own right. Take a read through this blog entry by MWD: “I didn’t mean to have an affair, it just happened.”. Particularly this passage:
The talk becomes more personal. Confessions of marital dissatisfaction bubble to the surface prompting empathy and support. People tell themselves, “I just needed someone to talk to. I wanted input from someone of the opposite sex.” But you don’t need a degree in psychology to know that the implicit message in these conversations is, “I’m unhappily married. Want to fool around?” You can tell yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong, but the truth is, it’s a sheer, slippery slope.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
