Congrats Cinco, it's great news to find a job in this horrible economy.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Hey everyone first day at the new job went well. I just wish I had a ton of free time to read and write posts here like I used to. I'm not even sure what the policy there is about doing that sort of thing. We'll see. I missed a ton of stuff today I see. Reading and catching up on everyone's sitch's.
Update - I must learn to turn down mercy/chore/crap/11th hour sex. Saturday night, after our celebration dinner out, I was thinking top off the night with some nice loving. W was thinking about sleep. I think she is afraid to turn me down now.... She might as well have turned me down though and I wish she had just said "I too tired tonight".
What we did reminded me of the type of sex we were having when things were turning sour between us many years ago. She hardly participated and she did not want to kiss me. I should have stopped it right there but like a fool I didn't. The worst part was that it was so lackluster from her that it went too long... I took long to reach climax... at least for her who wanted to hurry up. It was I know an awful experience for her.
For me it gave me those, "I stayed for this?" thoughts again. I hope it was only a minor set back for us. Maybe once I'm settled into the job more, things will look up again. I am having doubts though right now.
Too bad about the crappy sex this weekend. I like DQ's advice about gracefully declining the "limp hand shake"! Anyway, I hope the tide turns quickly.
How was day 2? Do you like the people? Have you found a sidekick yet? (To this day, making buddies at work is still the number one factor that determines my happiness. The first few days at a new job always remind me of facing the cafeteria at a new school.)
Day 2 was good. The people are very nice and friendly. Yeah me and a guy sit back to back with our cubes across the aisle. He showed me the ropes the first day and I've been eating lunch with him. We are not in the same division though.
Also the one engineer I've been working with the past couple of days has been great. It like working with a professor, he describes the circuitry he's designing in detail (almost too much detail sometimes). I'm really learning a lot from him.
I hope the tide turns too. I still wish I could fins a way to have her actively working with me. I worked on my "ultimatum letter" again Sunday after that experience.
I wish I had more time to post but it is good to be working again. So much to learn at the new job, there is just not much free time.
Update:
Tuesday night we were still at odds over the Saturday night episode. No hugging, no kissing and hardly speaking to each other. I was upset and she could tell. All day long at work it felt so good to be working instead of looking for work. I was thinking we should both be pleased now that I am back to work.
W finally said something that night at bedtime. I laid it all out about how I feel we should be happy now and we are not. We talked about the chore sex thing that happened Saturday. She complained that she isn't a touch-and-feel type of person and that is what I am wanting. She said her family is not that way and she has never been that way.
My answer to this I gave was that I am not her family... I am her husband, I need to be touched in a loving way to feel love. This is important to the survival of our marriage.
She got so mad at the conversation that she stormed out of the bedroom. I went to sleep half in tears thinking I'd probably moving out next weekend.
The next morning she hugged me in a patronizing way and I said "Please make it real. I want for us to love each other."
That evening when I got home she gave me a kiss and hug that were real. I like that she seems to have the right idea now about what it is that I am wanting. I hate that I have to get to the point of almost walking each time that it languishes to the point where I can't take it anymore.
D will be out of town this weekend so I am hoping to make a nice evening out for W and me.
Cinco said: My answer to this I gave was that I am not her family... I am her husband, I need to be touched in a loving way to feel love. This is important to the survival of our marriage.
Excellent, Cinco. Don't let her off the hook.
I hope you do make it a nice weekend, Cinco. Keep on fighting for the love that you want with your W!!
Ok finished the 1st week at the new job and I am very happy that this is where I landed. The people there are great and very helpful to me, the newbie. Less politics and more get-the-job-done-as-a-team attitude. It's a small company with 150 people and I really prefer that small co. family feel. My last job was with a huge company with 100,000 worldwide so it's a big difference.
D is out of town this weekend so I'm planning a nice evening with Mrs. Cinco. Before she left for work (1/2 day) this morning I told her I was taking her out for a nice dinner tonight and then we will come home for a nice evening... starting with a nice massage for her. "Every chance you get think about tonight."
Well it's off to the liquid refreshment store to get the ingredients of her favorite pomegranate martini.
Now that I am working again Mrs. Cinco is thinking about finding a different job. She is realizing that the crazy hours she is working really do suck. I never said this out loud to her but I thought, "Why in the world would you accept a job like that? I know I wouldn't."
So with the idea being all her own, she is looking for something with better hours. I'm really glad because we need more opportunities for time together rather than Saturday night being the only chance for ML.
Speaking of every Saturday night... that has been the pattern we have fallen into. Once a week on Saturday night ML. I really want more though and I have expressed my desire for more from her. Not only frequency but more enthusiasm. It still feels like an obligation and I hate that.
I am almost to the one year mark of working on my M. I know I should be happy with the progress that we have made. I never thought that I would get even to this point. As said above though, without any real enthusiasm from her I can't say that this is how I want to live. I get the bare minimum effort from her but no more. There are still times when I feel like I am just annoying her and she wishes I would just drop the wanting to ML thing.
I do see that now things are better than they were, I just don't want to settle for anything less than what I truly want.
I like that she seems to have the right idea now about what it is that I am wanting. I hate that I have to get to the point of almost walking each time that it languishes to the point where I can't take it anymore.
