Quote: is there any way we (well you) could look at this as he's moved beyond thinking of fleeing and is happy with me (you) here (there) and therefore didn't give any thought to the comment. That he is looking toward the future and not dweling in the past.
LL
Absolutely, LL. That's the sense I got from our conversation and YES that was a very good feeling indeed!
Jethro, you make a good point.
I wonder myself if these urges to bring up the hurts and be validated are "payback" of some kind.
I KNOW CJ is remorseful, I know the kind of person he is and it cannot be otherwise.
I'm just still baffled by the person he WAS, the person who did so many outrageous and hurtful things...
Who WAS that guy? Could he return?
But then is it not equally valid for CJ to remember my past behaviours and wonder if SHE might not return?
I had all manner of odd thoughts today. I thought: what if he's still in touch with her? and I played out in my mind how he would be OUT OF HERE in a flash.
Not after how far we've come, the added betrayal would be too much.
Then I thought of asking how HE would feel now if I were to announce that instead of being on the bb, I'd been conducting an EA and was sure my "soul mate" lived across country...I'm outta here...bye bye!
What is this? Revenge? I think in part my general health of late has fed into these feelings. Going for more tests on my kidney revisits the vulnerability I felt all of last year when our M was very much in question.
So I think it wise if I sit with these feelings, pray and meditate and see what is really underneath it all.
