Matilda, I'm not threatened by my W's D'ing dance friend. His life is in chaos, and I think my W is a port in the storm for him. My primary boundary with him is that he will not be a roommate.
He is a former smoker (my W smokes), and party animal (I don't know how he did this with a family). He dances more with passion and energy and is weak with technique. Salsa is a dance where energy and enthusiasm count for a lot.
My W was at the doctor this week, and was told that her blood pressure is high. Smoking, caffeine, and salt are her risk factors. She's been on the treadmill more lately. She continues to have persistent sleep problems.
She does seem interested in keeping our finances managed, and the house maintained. I guess her motive is to keep this part of her life stable. She continues to spend impulsively with her credit card, and then feels guilty about it afterwards.
My parents are in town watching my nephew this weekend. I will take my puppy and join them for activities. They're used to my W not participating, so it will be easy to explain away her absence.
My W was complaining about my last potroast because I forgot to put spices on the meat. I apologized the first time she brought it up, and didn't participate when she would bring it up again.
She seems disconnected and unhappy. The only time I see her smile, is when the dancing OP is over, and they're going out to eat or dance. She hasn't seen her sister and newborn neice.
I'll keep up with the detachment (compassion from a distance) strategy. I'm not responsible for her happiness or recovery. Time is valuable, so I might as well as use my freedom to pursue my own interests and hobbies (ballroom dancing, creative nonfiction reading and writing, keeping my puppy active, and building connections in the dance , writing communities, and with fellow dog owners).
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
