Is there any hope or is the damage done

[waiting2xhale]

I am a military spouse who recently came across this site. I’ve always thought my
husband and I had a good relationship. We met during our freshman year of
college. Six months later I was pregnant with our first child. In the
beginning it was a little rock, but we were young trying to make our family
work. Of course there are the regular marital issues but nothing we couldn’t
get through. I have been through three 6/7 month deployments with my husband
in our 9 ½ year marriage. The last deployment was this past year in Iraq,
something new for the both of us considering the first two were on the ship.
I didn’t suspect anything during the deployment. The love email back and
forth kept us going everyday for the entire 7 months. I even tried something
new; I sent videos and pictures just to keep the spice going. At times it
would be a bit scary because he was in a hostile area, but he would reassure
me that he was ok. Well I didn’t realize what was in store for our marriage.
The moment my husband got off the plane, I knew he
wasn’t the same person who left 7 months ago. The reunion was like no other
I experienced before and it didn’t take long before I notice the change in
my husband’s behavior. My suspicions started with a picture of him and a
younger co-worker that surfaced 9 days after he had come home. A picture
some questioned as a little too comfortable for two military members in
uniform. My husband states it was just a friendly photo and he saw no harm
in it. There were the unexplained disappearances with him not even coming
home one night. Something he had never done in our marriage. He had an
excuse for everything, telling me not to think so negative. I thought it was
me and my insecurities. I started reading self-help books to work on me. I
schedule one on one and couples counseling for us. We went on a marriage
retreat for a weekend to strengthen our marriage; something I thought was a
wonderful experience for the both us to start 09 with something new and
improved. This was all in the three months after he had returned. Little did
I know that there was something else on my husband’s mind, something that
had been keeping him from opening up to me since he had been home from Iraq.
This something was causing the frustration and the irritation that my
husband displayed towards me for the past 3 ½ months for no reason. It’s
been three months since my husband left our home and our marriage. In three
months he’ll be leaving again for another tour in Iraq. The first month I
questioned what was going on, was it me was it Iraq? The second month I
found out from snooping and searching that there was in fact someone else.
The same young woman in the picture. She had filled a void for my husband
while he was in Iraq and when he had returned home he made a choice to be
with her. I reported the affair to the command which was under investigation
but not enough information to hold both parties accountable.
Some say I was wrong for taking our issue to the command, but I felt my
husband had taken it there when he got involved with someone he worked with.
The third month I’ve been trying to find peace and comfort in my mind for me
and our children. He denies everything, and still has excuses for his
actions not taking responsibility. Still now my husband will not really talk
to me, and not just me, his family (including his mother, the closest to him
besides myself), and his best friend. He doesn’t come through to see the
children like he did before I found out about the affair. No one knows what
he’s going through except him.

How can I bounce back from this, I’ve been in love with this man since I was
18, that’s been 15 years? Three kids later, how can a man just walk away
from his family and his responsibility? Everyone tells me “this too shall
pass”, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, and well at times I
don’t feel as though I can handle it. Three months later and I’m still not
sleeping fully through the night.