Back here again!!

[istherehope]

Hi Julia,

I also want to jump in on the "I don't know why I left."

Jody may be right that the WAH won't return if he doesn't know why, meaning that he is still struggling to figure out if it was the R, the OW etc. However, I think MsM has a really good point that in fact the WAH might just not want to share it. I don't know why my H "left" (I moved out for 3 months-but the same thing) physically and emotionally, but he is mostly back now. I can make loads of guesses as to what caused him to snap, but he does not talk about it, and we are living together.

My point here is that as you are not living with your H, are not "together", and aren't yet to the point where you are having regular conversations about feelings, I don't think he'd feel comfortable talking about why he left in any detail, and probably still feels incredibly guilty about what he has done. I think Lisa was onto something when she suggested (if I understood right) that he might have meant that the R wasn't the reason he left, and that he left in spite of you, not because of you, and that he is having a hard time understanding why he would leave something/someone that clearly did not warrant that kind of treatment.

I'm not sure if anything I said there makes sense. My main point is that even when you are fairly close to your WAH, as I am with mine, answers are not always forthcoming. If you do get back together with your H and patch things up, he may still never talk about why he left. I remember Optimistwife posted about her conversation with Jody, several months ago, and Jody's advice had been to talk about "now" and what is working. Anything that is a reminder of the past and how they treated you brings up feeling of guilt. It seems like many of us may never get the "explanation" we want, but may have to let that part of the past go in order for hope at a better future with our Hs.

Anyway I think you are doing a brilliant job with everything, and I am glad that you are on your way to developing a friendship. I can't wait to hear about how things go on Monday night. I am sure they will go well, and maybe your H will even open up a little bit again now that the air has been cleared.

Best of luck and have a great weekend!
ITH