I'm feeling so discouraged

[PortlandDad]

Hi Meli,
I wouldn't call what you are in as an overly-sensitive mood. You are just in the shadow of a really nice time with your H last weekend. It's part and parcel of the roller-coaster. In a way, its almost a synergistic occurrence: the WAS gets really close to the LBS for one or two days, which makes the LBS think that things are really starting to warm up, and then *poof* just like that, the WAS withdraws just as quickly because they are afraid things are warming up, and the LBS is now 50 ft in the air without a parachute!

Don't worry about what his motivation is for having his friend pick up the kids: you can't read his mind, nor would you want to. Put that energy to good use on something constructive! With the kids out for the night, treat yourself to a nice dinner and movie, or take a stroll at the mall and do some window shopping.

As far as moving is concerned, I'm not one to give a lot of advice. Most of the books I've read about divorcing and reconciling say not to make any life-altering decisions while you are in the midst of fighting for your M. You say that if you don't leave soon that you may never be able to leave? why exactly is that? Is it because the kids will be too far along in school, or have established friends, or is it some other reason? I can tell you that I have uprooted my family a few times, the last being in 2006 when my kids were 15, 11, and 10. There were a few adjustments to be made, but my youngest two really enjoy where we live now, and my oldest tolerates it ok.

Let me say this: your H is in the middle of a sitch where he thinks that the grass is greener "over there". Is there any truth to the possibility that you also think that the grass would be greener for you "over in the other state"? I guess it would be one thing if you already had friends there, but you've mentioned that your mom lives where you are now, so it isn't as though you don't have family around, yes?

What about your sister and fiance? Even though they have extended the invitation for you to move to be with them, what sort of imposition would that be for them? Of course they love you and their niece and nephews, but you wouldn't want to overstay your welcome and have them regret helping you. And then there is the legal aspect to consider, too. If your H has been against moving out of state, how would he react to you bringing up the topic now that you are separated? I'm not savvy about the laws in Michigan, but he may have some legal recourse to take that could prevent you from taking the kids out of the state.

There's a lot to think about, and probably a ton more stuff that only you can fathom at the moment. I would only advise to tread lightly and not make a hasty decision one way or the other. Depending on how you think your H might take the news, you may just want to probe him gently about his thoughts about you taking the kids out of the state... something like, "You know my crazy sister? She offered to let me and kids stay with her for a few months; isn't that crazy?" and see what he says.