Shiny,

Good questions.

I must admit that my forgiveness will come with a price, and that price is ownership of responsibility by both of us.

I know that for me, before I can allow my H to come home again, I will NEED to know that he has acknowledged what he's done (for himself), that he owns the decision process that he used to make his destructive choices and that he will now SEE if and when those destructive thoughts begin to re-emerge that he will be able to deal with them appropriately this time.

I feel that if my H doesn't really review the patterns that he developed, that took us through this hell, then there is a chance that he could choose this road again in the future when times are tough between us.

I need to know that he absolutely truly knows that what he did IS NOT and NEVER WILL BE the answer to disharmony in our marriage.

I need to know that he realizes that there are no secret escape routes from unhappiness that the only way to regain happiness is to openly and honestly address his issues with me and give me an opportunity to make any reasonable changes necessary to make him happy again.

I do not want to sweep anything under the rug, I want it all dealt with. I want to own my responsibility in the downfall of our R and I want him to own all of his as well.
I want our NEW R and M to be built on complete and total trust and faith in each other. I don't want a watered down version of the old M. I want a new one.
T2