I don't know if they'll ever actually "understand" how we felt or feel about what they did...honestly now having been through it yourself and knowing what it feels like, is it what you would have imagined it to be (not saying we all sit and ponder).
perhaps a bit of empathy is what you are seeking from cj... in order to give that forgiveness...
perhaps letting him read your journal entry from that time might help...but then it may hurt too...
is it possible for you to accpet that he does feel bad about what he did and his empathy is shown to you by being supportive of you.
I know that my h will never know what I went through...a mere glimps is about all he could see...he will never understand the pain I suffered no matter how I try to explain...it's just one of those things you don't know until you've been through it...heck my mil continuously tried to claim that she knew how I felt and it pissed me off...no one knows until they've been there nothing comes close.
