Starting a new thread, the old one was pretty full anyway!
Not sure what is up but re-reading the post on K's thread about unconditional love reminded me of everything I have heard/read the past 18 months regarding boundaries, loving does not equal doormat, etc etc.
So I have been seeing things differently for the past couple days. Able to detach more, I suppose, I don't know what else to call it.
Last night I worked the HS Girls' track meet, it was so much fun! Five hours long but lots of fun. Course it didn't hurt that the super-cute chiropractor in town was timing with me...
There were six of us standing there together timing and a few were smart-a$$es like me. So I was making little sarcastic comments, teasing them and they were teasing each other. Made them laugh a lot of times. That is who I always was at parties and hanging out with friends back in college and at work. I was the one who made the witty observations and made people laugh. So it was nice to feel like ME again. I work another meet on April 30 and I can't wait!
Most of the people I was working with were guys, and married guys. Between races they would be texting/calling their wives or talking to them if they were at the meet. I thought to myself, "See, you can have a real husband who talks to you and spends time with you, and who you can curl up with at the end of the day." I used to have that and I WILL have it again. Wonder who the lucky guy will be?
Anyway I kind of feel like the blinders are off and I can see things as they are, not as I wish for them to be.
I got home at 10:15 and Dan was asleep in the kids' room. I went in and tapped his foot to wake him up. He stirred but didn't get up. I came in at 10:45 to put away laundry in the kids' dresser. Thumped him again (he needed to go home!) and then left.
Decided oh well not my problem so I went to bed. That is the first time I have ever just gone to bed and left him be. I don't pester him but I have always been 'available' out in the living room when I get home and he has had the kids. I know I was doing it just in case he had some urge to talk, but I am not going to hang around for that anymore.
So anyway I went to bed. I texted him before bed (how weird since he was in my house!) and just told him I would take the kids this weekend and he could have them next weekend (since we hadn't done a schedule). Said he could come to karate Sunday night if he wanted but otherwise I had the weekend handled...
You can have two, one for you and one for me! I am at work and that is frowned on...
Although last night we tried convincing the AD (Athletic Director) that more people work work the meets (it is unpaid) if they had a cooler of Bud by the timing bench.
Taking a chance with that, I cannot open YouTube at school so I googled the song title and chose the first link...
Here are the lyrics to the song that has been in MY head for three days: "Walk Away"--Kelly Clarkson
You've got your mother and your brother Every other undercover Tellin' you what to say (say) You think I'm stupid But the truth is That it's cupid, baby Lovin' you has made me this way So before you point your finger Get your hands off of my trigger Oh yeah You need to know this situation's getting old And now the more you talk The less I can take, oh
I'm looking for attention Not another question Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don't have the answer Why are you still standin' here? Hey, hey, hey, hey Just walk away Just walk away Just walk away
I waited here for you Like a kid waiting after school So tell me how come you never showed (showed)? I gave you everything And never asked for anything And look at me I'm all alone (alone) So, before you start defendin' Baby, stop all your pretendin' I know you know I know So what's the point in being slow Let's get the show on the road today Hey
I'm looking for attention Not another question Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don't have the answer Why are you still standin' here? Hey, hey, hey, hey Just walk away Just walk away Just walk away
I wanna love I want a fire To feel the burn My desires I wanna man by my side Not a boy who runs and hides Are you gonna fight for me? Die for me? Live and breathe for me? Do you care for me? 'Cause if you don't then just leave
I'm looking for attention Not another question Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don't have the answer Why are you still standin' here? Hey, hey, hey, hey Just walk away
If you don't have the answer Walk away Just walk (walk) away (Just walk away) Then just leave Yeah yeah Walk away Walk away Walk away
It might not look it by the words but watch the video, it is so much fun! The video cracks me up! I cannot help but dance to that song, if I hear it at home, in the car, wherever... I will have to put it on my iPod.
Thanks, Jeff! I actually kept having this feeling where I would walk past a guy watching the meet and think, "If I was his wife, I could walk up behind him and give him a hug and he would be happy to see me"--of course not every marriage is that way, just look at mine, but you get the idea. I know it happens all of the time. Not necessarily earth-shaking passion 24/7, but a real friend, partner in life! With of course, moments of earth-shaking passion, of course.
Nathan told me this morning that he asked his dad to take him to a movie tonight. Little bugger told me he wanted grandpa to take him so I was going to invite my dad to go with us Saturday.
So I sent off a quick e-mail to Dan saying I heard Nathan wanted him to go to a movie but I was fine with having them as I said I would...
He replied back right away I told Nathan we could go see one tonight if he wanted to?
You tell me
I just replied back that if he wanted to take Nathan to a movie that was fine, to let me know if he wanted Sydney, too...I would bring them to him after karate if he wanted them both.
I would imagine he was including me in the 'we' since we usually do all the family stuff together....but I took myself out of the equation.
actually kept having this feeling where I would walk past a guy watching the meet and think, "If I was his wife, I could walk up behind him and give him a hug and he would be happy to see me"--of course not every marriage is that way, just look at mine, but you get the idea. I know it happens all of the time. Not necessarily earth-shaking passion 24/7, but a real friend, partner in life! With of course, moments of earth-shaking passion, of course.
The way you put it, it sounds so normal! I'd like to find that, too!
Normal? WTH is that? I'll tell you, if a man gave me a hug now I'd probably melt into a puddle at his feet and do his bidding forever! The human touch craving is horrible! I kid you not, the bag boy at the supermarket brushed my hand when I was pushing an order down toward him last weekend and I nearly jumped out of my skin - yeah, ok, he's 18!!! Horrible!
I'm at work too and no drinking permitted, but a girl can dream!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
(If you remember "Friends", picture that being said in a 'Chandler Bing' way... )
So Dan mentioned he would take Nathan to the movie. I told him he was welcome to take Sydney, too. He was Mr. Indecisive as usual, texting me a few times re. which movie theater did I think, what time was the movie, etc etc.
I told him it was on in our town at 8:00 (it is a 100 yr old movie theater, rarely shows movies anymore) or it was on in the Omaha metro and I could stay up there after karate to meet him with the kids. Finally he texted back that he would go to the hometown place at 8:00.
He called me on the way back from karate (6:30) to see where I was. He asked if I thought Sydney could stay awake for the movie at 8:00. I said sure, it would be over at 9:30 and she is often--unfortunately!--up that late. He said he would be at the house soon.
I no more than walk in my door and the phone rings. I figure it is him. Nope, it is FIL. MIL has locked keys in car up in the city (they are out w/friends) and he needs me to get the spare set from their house and bring it to him. Says he knows Dan is taking Nathan to movie so Sydney and I can come help them.
I tell him Sydney is going to movie, too, but I can help out. (I don't want to but they help me a lot so I know I should.)
Then Dan calls and says he has already stopped by FIL house and gotten spare keys. He will pick up kids, take the keys up to FIL and then movie. I say it is 7:15 no way can you get back to our town by 8. He says I will go to a movie uptown please look up a movie time up there.
I told him I was fine with taking the keys, he should take the kids in town like he said he would. He said "You don't have to be the martyr. It isn't your job to help my parents. I will do it." (Part of our issues from the past has been my martyring myself and then pointing it out later...)
I said, "I was happy to do it, but that is fine."
So he came and got the kids and was all pissy. I told him he was being rude to me for no reason when I offered to help. He said he was not mad at me, he was mad at his parents for wanting his help when he had other things to do. Said one of the friends they were eating with could have helped them out...
(Okay you know I am a fixer) I just said, I offered to help so you wouldn't have to mess up your plans. He said he had it under control, his dad would have to have a buddy drive part way and meet them for the key so they didn't miss the movie at 8 uptown.
Well I was frustrated/guilty--I do it to myself, I always want to fix everything! So I distracted myself by playing with my new iPod and putting fun workout music on it...I hear my phone beep upstairs that I have a new message but it is 8:05 and I know they should be at movie so I figure it is my mom and ignore it.
30 min later the front door flies open. I am shocked and go upstairs and see H's truck outside?? Go look at phone, it says "Sydney asleep, coming home". Oops. H was in her room putting her to bed. Then he came out and said he was taking Nathan to go play Wii at his parents since he didn't get a movie and was pretty bummed about it...
So, tell me,
What should I be feeling guilty about? Anything? Or nothing?
1)I said I would have the kids all weekend, he wanted to do the movie thing.
2)Once the crap came up, I offered to take the keys up myself.
I tried, right?
I did say Sydney would stay awake for the movie when H asked, but the movie theater is 2 minutes from our front door, had they gone in Glenwood she would have been awake. It was b/c he drove 30 minutes that she fell asleep.
Grr. Just sucks. Now H is pissed off in general, and Nathan is bummed. And in-laws are probably wondering why selfish DIL did not come help them out and ruined their son's night with his kids...(I had a VM from FIL 5 minutes before H's Text saying 'call us when you get here so we can come out and meet you' so they still thought I was coming...)
I understand how you're feeling - I'm a fixer too. However, I think you are owning way to much of this. You offered to take the keys to his parents and he pretty much refused to let you. He could have easily woken Sydney up when he arrived at the movies and they could have still all gone in and watched the movie. Seems somewhat passive aggressive to me what he is doing. Almost like since you didn't come to the movie he is finding a way to make you feel guilty about how everything ended up.
Personally I think you have nothing to feel guilty about. He ruined the evening all by himself.
