I am curious though did you use the fact that she commited adultery at all through your divorce. Have you ever threatened her with that at all?
I'm not sure what you mean about using this against her. I have told her in the past that I know of and have evidence of her adultery. But she continues to deny it even to my face, and even in the face of damning evidence, considering it just a matter of opinion how I characterize her actions as infidelity. And since we reside in a no-fault state, her guilt in being unfaithful would only bar her from being able to seek spousal support and has no real bearing in a custody battle. It certainly counted for naught in our D.
Since she will outright lie to my face about her adultery, her inability to so much as accept her culpability in destroying our R has made reconciliation pretty much impossible. It's not that I won't forgive her -- I have, constantly and continually -- it's that this is too large an obstacle for her to be able to help herself or to allow herself to grow spiritually. Self-delusion and denial keeps us from finding the truth. And as Jesus said, the truth will set you free.
Sadly, my xW is stuck. Locked in a prison of her own making.
