I'm a little suspicious of the "don't know why I left" too. My H blamed me when he left over a year ago, expressed almost entirely through hurtful lies. And then has told me recently that he "never wanted to hurt me". Uh, yes, you did, H. Me carrying the pain (and the blame) was so you didn't have to.
Time makes people forget things, but I think that him saying "I don't remember why I left" translates into, "I blamed you at the time, unfairly, for me leaving".
BTW, "Negative you" was a young woman dealing with a lot of big issues coming mostly from your H. Your H, like mine, chose to deal with those issues by running. We stood, and fixed ourselves up while--continuing--to carry our runaway H's heavy loads. You have nothing, nothing, nothing to feel guilty over at this point in time. You have paid your penance in spades, and whatever kindness H wouldn't let you show him as he ran you have shown to others.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
