Yes you have to get the obsessive, paranoid, panic attitude under control.

Let me ask you a question, do you really want a chance at getting this fixed? A real chance.

You can't make changes for your wife. Get this through your head, wrap you head around this idea and think about it for a bit. You can't change for her. It won't be real, it will be fake, it won't last and you will end up at the same place again because you weren't authentic.

Stop doing things to please her.

Stop feeling sad & stop crying around her. You asked previously why? It's simple & logical, you just have to open your eyes to it. Your wife is planning to leave this relationship or at least she's been thinking about it, this isn't an overnight decision, you've been acting in a specific way that she has lost attraction for you. Hence, the "i don't love you anymore", or the infamous, "I love you but I'm not in love with you", or how about the "I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with you again".

You have done things that made her lose respect for you.
Probably reasons, you have no self-respect. You probably have low self-esteem, you probably appear very weak & insecure in her eyes, what's attractive about that? Plus you cry in front of her and try to get her to change her mind, that's attractive, I'm sure she wants to be physically intimate with you after hearing that.

Women don't want to hear that you love them and can't live without them.

They don't want you to be afraid of them, cower in fear and grovel for affection. Women do not respect men who act like that. In fact women usually become very mean & cruel to men who act like that, alot of people mention "script" on this site, you can "script" that behavior, it will happen if you continue crying & grovelling for affection.

You hate the psychological in's & out's of WAS and women in general.... tough, that's women, can't do much about it.

It's instinctual, it's subconscious in nature, they continue to test men.

Reason being they have to be sure that they're with someone strong, it's a survival instinct, don't ask her about it, she can't define it either but it is there.

It's quite possible that on some level, women are insecure and want the man in their life to project strength, security, confidence, leadership, assurance, etc. They test the men they're with to see if they're strong enough to take care of them (again it's a subconscious thing). This continuous testing unfortunately leads many a normal man to become insecure himself. Most men don't understand it why the sexual polarity in a relationship changes: men start acting more like women, and women start acting more like men.

Take into account one thing, when women enter their 30's (sexual prime) & 40s, they have more testosterone being produced in their systems than in their early 20s (which incidentally is a man's sexual prime). This extra testosterone is responsible for more aggressive behavior, the need to seek out other potential mates for breeding purposes (sex). Don't be surprised if your wife starts going to the gym, losing weight, tans, buys new clothes, starts hanging out with new friends, stays out late, etc. etc. etc. The term cougar refers to a woman on the prowl... hmmm... wonder why it refers to an older woman?

You originally exhibited behaviors which were attractive to her. That's how you guys hooked up to begin with. But later you began to exhibit behaviors that weren't attractive, she lost attraction for you and started keeping a mental scorecard of all the crap that you do that she doesn't like, so this downward swing in your relationship although being manifested recently in her telling you she doesn't love you or isn't in love with you anymore, truthfully she's probably been unhappy for quite some time: possibly months or years.

If I read your thread correctly, this is her 3rd marriage. That's unfortunate, she has established a pattern of thinking in her life where it's easy for to discard things in her life. It's easy for her to find new things to amuse her (ie. new men)

You've just become disposable. Feels great doesn't it?!

Before you run for the tissues, hold for a second.

You can stop this or at the very least, you can become a real man for yourself first and her second.

Are you willing to make the kind of changes that would possibly result in your wife being attracted to you again?

Answer back & let me know.

Few things though that you need to start doing:

1. Stop crying in front of her, the sooner you stop this, the better you will be
2. Don't buy her gifts to win her back, no flowers, no perfumes, no nothing... buying her gifts registers as manipulation and her radar knows it and actually is expecting it. When you buy presents for someone to like & love you, you relay the message that you're not good enough on your own and need to buy her stuff for her to ever consider being with you. It's manipulation plain & simple so stop it (be honest, have you already tried to do this/)
3. Get a Life!!! Seriously, get out of the house more, go to a gym, start pumping some heavy iron, exercising regularly will increase the natural testosterone production in your body: you will feel better about yourself and life in general. You will feel more confident & alive, plus devoting personal time for yourself & no one else shows that you respect yourself & value yourself and that you have a healthy self-esteem. Reading your posts thus far, you have very little of any of these things. How can you expect her to love & respect you if you don't love & respect yourself? Seriously, think about it.
4. Start hanging out with friends again, get out and have fun with them. If you need to talk to someone and let out the crap misery building up inside of you, don't do it with your wife, she doesn't want to hear it and she'll despise you for it even further. You'll appear to be an insecure wimp to her and solidify the decision that you weren't good enough to have her to begin with. Talk to a friend, not her.
5. Stop calling, emailing, texting her. You can respond to her texts but don't initiate any!!!! I mean it, this is important. Give her a bit of space and it's not for the reason you think. You are pursuing her, in nature we all run from what is chasing us, you are chasing her, she is trying to get away. Push/Pull theory: you are trying to pull her in and she is pushing you away, you've had to have seen this already. Think about it, push/pull. Stop pulling her towards you, stop telling her you love her, you are telling her something that is the opposite of her feelings and she is in love with her feelings and you are saying/doing things that are against those feelings so she pushes you away. Allow some space between the two of you, I guarantee you stop pursuing her and allow some space between the 2 of you, she will fill in the space that you've provided and she will initiate contact with you, talking, etc.

Last point, very important so put a sticky note on your brain:

Fast is Slow in relationship repair.

Slow is Fast in relationship repair.

You didn't get here overnight so don't expect this to be fixed in 2 weeks. It's going to take time and there are still no guarantees, no one can guarantee anything to you so stop doing this relationship CPR, it doesn't work and it's time you got that into your head. No more relationship talk by you either, just focus on you. Any changes you make have to be for you & about you and not for her, because if you do it for her, you communicate to her that you have no value and aren't good enough and I don't think you want to communicate that to her - you've probably done a fair amount of that in other forms already.

Slow is Fast.

Time to wake up and MAN UP!

This is your official kick in the pants wake up call from your fellow friends that have been there & done that. Be wise & learn from our experience or be a fool and learn from your own experience.

Good luck bro, I look forward to hearing more from you & your situation.