Mulesqb - A Day in Court

[iamlost]

Mules! I've been looking for your thread, thought you might have been gone. I was following your sitch months ago before I left, and just got caught up on this thread and the last. I am really sorry that it all came to this, but you absolutely did the right thing. And I'm glad you got full custody: your wife's behavior towards your sons is, frankly, damaging to them.

I really hope that you will get them into C, if they are not already. You have been an excellent, EXCELLENT father, but have the boys learned how to cope with your W's behavior?

Here's my mini rant on the WAS changes: I, personally, don't think your W or my H or any of the WAS "changed". I think the script, the alien-speak, is cause people that don't have the emotional maturity to face up to their mistakes and the pain that they cause other people tend to create lives that are all about justifying their actions.

These are people that equate mistakes and bad decisions to being a bad person, so the only way to feel good about themselves is to continue to be bad and redefine it, in their minds, as good. What better justifies being an a$$ than becoming an a$$hole and rebranding it the new improved me? So they continue to dig themselves a deeper and deeper hole. More bad behavior only serves to justify prior bad behavior, because bad behavior is now sorta good, or "regrettable but necessary". Black is white, down is up.

Can the boys see that she is struggling under the weight of all the pain she caused them, and what looks like not caring is really, sadly, thwarted love?

I was a few years older than they were when I came to terms with my troubled relationship with my father--saw him as a flawed human being who actually was less emotionally mature than I was as a teenager, who loved me, but didn't know how to show that love to me in the ways I needed him to. IMHO, they'd be better if they didn't have to feel sad about it for years, and instead saw that in your XW NOW. Maybe they already do?