Unfortunately, the bottom line is that she likely remembers the things that are most important to her. And, the fact that she forgot the MC appt. indicates to me that it wasn't her top priority.
That's exactly right! But it's nothing new. Long before the "bomb", she already started to submerge herself in work and things started to get double booked. The first thing I said to her when I sensed something wasn't right (probably 4-6 months before the "bomb") was that I felt like I came in last place on her priority list and that that feels pretty crappy, that I want to feel I am #1 for her like any husband should. Her response was that she's starting a business and that will just have to be that way until it gets off the ground. Right now, I am thinking that had I had the knowledge I got from this board back then, I could have probably predicted when the "bomb" was gonna hit. The "script" was starting to appear...
So yes, you're absolutely right, and THAT is what I am mostly upset about. She TELLS me that she wants to go, but apparently it's not important enough to her to keep it on the radar screen. I think family has risen on her priority list a little since the "bomb", but it's still nowhere close to where it should be. Then, towards the end of our phone convo, she tells me several times to call her tomorrow and let her know when we can go again. I don't think I am going to call, even if I hear from the MC today, which I haven't so far anyways. I don't feel like it right now.
Originally Posted By: Amy M
You can't control that. You can only control what you do about that. Do you reschedule and make sure she remembers the next one (like a parent would do for a child)? Do you tell her she needs to reschedule and let you know when the appt. is set? Do you scrape the MC for now and just get some IC?
This is really nothing new. I have had to remind her of vacations we're taking, concert dates, all kinds of things. Even things I know she enjoys. She is disorganized, and she knows it. I think I will just reschedule and remind her this time. She seems to sincerely want to go.
Originally Posted By: Amy M
I don't know the answers, but I do know that we all deserve someone who's going to make us and our families their priority!
I have always made my family a priority! Maybe even a little too much. I made it a priority to the point where I was denying myself the pleasure of my hobbies because I felt that I should be at home helping with the kids. I felt that my hobbies and fun time could wait until they were a little older and less work. That's what I did and still do! W on the other hand used to be a dedicated mom and wife, but I haven't seen the woman she was back then in about 2 years. Over the past 2 years, I have changed myself into someone that balances the family time with fun/hobby time much better. I don't deny myself those opportunities anymore.
I really do feel that the boys and I have risen in the ranks of her priority list over the last year. She is spending more time with the boys, but still tells me that she will come pick them up so I can do some work or have time for myself (makes it sound to me like they're in her way when they are with her). She seems to enjoy my company. But this rise is TERRIBLY slow and I guess this happening just showed me how FAR we still are from the top of the list!
The only good thought I just had about the whole thing is that it doesn't seem like she wanted to go to the MC to get confirmation from her that it's better to just D. That WAS one of my thoughts regarding the possible outcomes of the MC session. Since she hasn't swayed one way or another, she can still sway back.
