WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 7

[confusedinpa]

Here is where you need to do some work. You are applying coping techniques that you used as a boy to the same situations you are running into as a man. You need to change some of your thinking. Did you ever get "Learned Optimism" ? I promise it will help you.

Yes I did get the Learned Optimism book. I hadn't read it yet as I'm still reading Love without Hurt (I'm up to page 250). Since my wife had commentewd about how it seemed I was just following scripts from books, I had only been reading after she went to bed.
Dealing the emotions isn't even the problem yet, recognizing what the emotions are is the issue I'm dealing with

I was talking to my friend who is a current WAW (she moved out almost 5 months ago). Her situation has similarities to mine as to how her husband made her feel neglected/unimportant. She is of the mindset that once a window of opportunity is closed, it is closed.

One thing that she has pointed out was how she could never have done some of the things that my wife had been doing that is so confusing to me. Her advice to me is to give it 3 to 6 months before talking about starting/trying a relationship.

She said when she moved out she was relieved that she escaped. That was because she felt her husband would stop her if he had a chance. I'm hoping my wife doesn't feel that way in my situation. I hadn't helped, and perhaps the door wasn't as open as she would have liked. Granted, her move isn't going smoothly (ie her movers didn't show up on Mon) but she can't blame that on me

I do want to have a marriage with my wife. Not want we had but one that is better. I understand now that's what she had been trying to tell me when she brought up counseling a couple of years ago. I didn't see the issues back then. I do now. My wife says I just see part of it and has a lot to learn. I know she is right

The only part I figured out was the love languages part. I don't understand the compassion part but I'm working on it