It's all ablazin'....

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I'm so sorry. and sorry I've been gone so long. you can always get me on the alt.

now, some of the issues you are dealing with are more sensitive because of your hurt. If you guys were in a good R, then things would be diff.

On the disciplining, the OW is going to have to have some authority. Anyone, whether it be the daycare provider at your daycare, or your dad is an authority and they do have some right to discipline. Now I do agree, that she should have no part of any physical discipline. And the only reason why I would say that he should respect your wishes for discipline is because you have greater custody. When it comes to 50/50, in a business sense, both parents have the right to discipline how they see fit. The perfect world would be that both parents agree to some way, and stick to it.

Listen. You've got to be really careful here. You do not want his childish ego to do things just for spite or control. If he sees you telling him how to do everything, he is not going to listen just because. You need to start asking him questions first, not telling him what you want. You want the end result to be the best for K, and therefore your going to still have to bite your tongue sometimes. I know it's not fair, but you can't control this man, and so you've got to work strategically.

I'm assuming when you say physical, you mean spanking. I, myself, am not an advocate of spanking, but I am not necessarily against it. Now, when a child is young, say 1, and does not speak yet, or may not really comprehend what danger is..okay, that's like to age who knows, but at the young young ages, I believe that spanking sometimes needs to be used.

Let's say the baby was going to lick a battery, or lick an outlet, or run into the street, or things like that. When it has to do with danger, IMHO, spanking should be used, because they need to be scared, and just telling a child no will not send as quick and great a message to the child because the next time might be fatal. Anything else, I do not believe spanking need be used.

Also, when you asked these questions, he could also be thinking in the future. Not necessarily while she is 9 months old.

You need to ask him what he thinks is appropriate and what his plans are, and that you are open to listen. Tell him you want her discipline to be consistent so she does not get confused going back and forth. Then, take what he says and tell him you will be thinking over it, and really think over it (AWAY from him) and see what you really hate and what really isn't so bad.

does this make sense? I would love it if you could just rip into him, but it will do absolutely nothing and may make his R with his D a bitter one and that ruins everything.

I still can't believe they granted him that, but that is what the courts do. If only they could really SEE how he has been.