A New Decade

[MichelleLT]

Definitely good.

He's remaking some friendly connections. It's definnitely baby steps!

[MsMelancoly]

Yes, it is some nice babysteps. Could it be the it's almost over & now starting to chase?? WEll, not quite so - since I call more. It will be interesting to see if "you want what you can't have", starts to develope.

[JCJ]

Yes, I agree with Michelle it is good. I think he is feeling saafer and safer with you. What you are doing is working! Yay, you totally have the cool girl nailed

[MsMelancoly]

And so the saga continues .......

Yesterday, my H emailed me asking if he could borrow some money for some bounced check fees. He said he would understand if I didn't want to or couldn't & that he would still come over to work on my car. I agreed & he came over tonight to pick it up & have dinner. Yep, many may think it was the wrong thing & I'm a sucker. Maybe so .... but it was my choice & I don't feel bad. I guess, I don't feel bad because our friendship, our dating, our M was always give & take on both sides. Ofcourse I still love him & care about his well being. Strange that he was wearing a necklace I had bought for him a few years ago. He was also wearing his wedding ring, but on his middle finger. BTW, our wedding rings were not typical either, so it really doesn't look like one. Yet, still it is a constant reminder of us. I have not put either of my rings back on. We chatted a bit, I think we were both tired & not as lively as the last time. He talked about his friend, always problems there - could make a good novel, I told him. H said he needed to start distancing himself from his friend. I asked him about visiting his family, again drama & issues there. So it seems, I am the only stable, sane person in his life. I said I have my little island here (meaning my home) of peace & tranquility. I told him a bit about my going out with M1 last weekend. So just chit chat. When it was time for him to leave, I gave him some home cooked food for tomorrow. We again hugged & kissed several times. He said he would be over on Saturday to work on my car. Oh, he also said that this summer he will be my slave for working on house stuff if I want. Hhhhmmmm, I can think of many things for a slave to do. Does this mean he is planning or wishing to spend time with me this summer????

[JCJ]

Hmmm... Ms M I have to say I don't like all this lending money. I feel that if you get back together it should be on even terms and lending money to friends is problematic imo - but totally your descision.

There are some really great baby steps here, the rings, realising that his friendship with that guy is not that healthy and the hugging and kissing. The fact that he wants to do stuff for you again is great. IMO guys only want to do that stuff when they are interested in a girl. It could also help to even out the friendship with regards to the money stuff too - help build up his man pride!

Keep going!!! And keep updating us, I love to hear it!

Jx

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Julia, Thanx for your opinions. My theory on lending money is, when I lend money, I don't expect it back. Hence, I rarely loan anyone money. I helped my H out by giving money, he is helping me out by replacing the break pads on my car. What value should he put on that? I have the tangible money, he has the tangible skill. I hate thinking that way so "money" oriented. Then I think we are still M & there is still a possibility I could be given some of his debt. Being M, he could have asked for half the rent income I get - but never has. So he isn't a greedy b*stard. Yes, I'm doing a lot of justifying here ..... why I don't know ...... Could I just be being taken advantage of or used - yes could be. But, at least my head isn't stuck in the sand about it.

Again, an issue where your head, your mind says one thing & your heart says another ........ which to choose?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mrs M.. wow how things change. I guess you have done a really good job of working to remove his negative feelings of guilt and shame and he is feeling more comfortable to contact you? I'm happy to hear things going in the right direction for a change!

As for the money thing, I would have done the same. My ex has some big mortgage payments looming, not really to do with me, would have been were we still together, but I offered to help out with it anyway.. he declined, but I like you did it with the feeling he has done so much for me (like cover my cc payments since he moved out) its just swings and roundabouts.

When you seeing him again then, this weekend for car fixing?

[JCJ]

My theory on lending money is, when I lend money, I don't expect it back. Hence, I rarely loan anyone money.

I think that is the best attitude to have when lending money! It is mine too which is why I rarely do either.

[MichelleLT]

Nice steps! The rings, the convo, some of his realizations.

VERY positive.

I think you handled that really well.

When I loan money I don't always expect it back either. Ergo why I never got the tax money from my STBXH last year I guess LOL.

You are definitely the cool girl!

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Giirrllssss, Yep, I'm sure asking for money, for any man hurts his pride - that is if he has any pride left.

Ali, Yes, he's feeling more comfortable. In part, because the M struggle is over ..... but is it??? I asked him my questions about our M & his actions when leaving & after. The "whys", were never answered & probably will never be. So, no point in raking him over hot coals time & again anymore. I wish you & your BF, could just get past that. What's done is done ..... the past is the past - start over ... whatever that start over is. I think as long as you wallow in the past or let him wallow in the past, you cannot break free & move forward. My H & I are starting over & I really don't know what it will be, friends? Ok.! My H will be over tomorrow to fix me car, supposed to be a nice day!!