Episode IV: A New Hope (?)

[dday101798]

A sane evening last night.

STBX actually let the boys call me for the first time. i believe mostly so that S12 could rant about his "new" bike they got him. Seems to be a lot of showering of material things lately on that end of the spectrum. One more thing that I've done right all along, shower them with you, not gifts.

She'll be learning that tomorrow, she got on the phone and asked me about the parenting session, appears she has it tomorrow. Already has a negative tone about it, like it's some sort of inconvenience. She asked waht it was like, I said for me refreshing, for you it will be an experience. The negativity got going when she asked if she had to answer questions or participate in groups and I said yes.

It is my sincere hope that she goes in there with a open mind and listens to everything. This could very well be the epiphany for her to come to terms with how she's going about things. I don't necessarily care anymore she's with OM, I accept that. But now as always it's been how she has done it directly in front of the kids. They have enough on their plate with their family being torn apart. They have enough on their plate with the death of her mother a few years ago. They just simply have enough going on period. I just hope the experience tomorrow touches the person I once loved that is hiding deep inside her.

Obstacle one of the day already will be OM driving her there no doubt. She's letting me pick up the boys early as I guess no-one will be there after she & OM leave, so that's a nice thing.

When we spoke, no mention of the texts from previously in the day, especially odd seeing OM was right there and that's when she likes to become the most combative over issues and 'put on a show' for him.

Just odd overall, a lot of "changes" being displayed lately.

My latest epiphany came at the lips of the boys the other night. S10 said at dinner "Dad, I really wish our sister would have been born". The issue has always been tender with me as I always wanted a girl. I have decided that no matter the outcome of the custody issue, I will adopt. That's just a missing piece of me that I really think will put balance and harmony back into life. Instead of playing the dating game and all the jazz to try and find someone who I know will never replace the love of who was my wife and not make anyone live in that shadow, I should just redirect that energy to a needing child (in conjunction with my boys obviously). But it will give me a chance to correct some of the wrongs I have done and I strongly believe overall, bring balance.