First off I had a good time with my friend, having dinner and then shopping for groceries and such. Had to buy a new vac. cleaner, because my son gave xh mine awhile back. Vac. cleaners are so high! Anyway also thank you to everyone for sticking with me. The guy I was talking about did email me back, just something simple. Still didnt ask me out to dinner though. I guess Kerry and I will have to go fishing for my first date.lol
Now, AmyC, I will try my best to do this. I will list some things as I remember them. I dont know if it is what you want, but I will try. First, truthfully my xh was a good man. (I know you said the bad things but I will get there.), he was a good provider, not once did he let us down in that way. He always took care of us money wise. The main issue was HIS LYING! *xh lied constantly. He would lie about the simplest things and I would have to cover for him. He would take me by surprise alot. It was embarrassing at times. I probably couldnt count the times he lied to me and I DIDNT catch him. *From Lying comes DISTRUST. I dont think I ever trusted him fully. He even said this after he left, he said I never trusted him. AND he is right. I would trust him with my life, that kind of trust, but in the last few years, especially after becoming a cop, I wouldnt trust him alone with other women or, in some cases even with money. *His attitude! Attitude with me and or our son. Yes I can be a pushover when it comes to my son, what mother isn't, but my xh did not know how to talk softly or displine without SCREAMING and CURSING. I especially noticed this AFTER he became a COP! If my xh did not get his sleep out he was awful to live with. (my son is the same way). I have read up on NPD and I think they both (xh and son) have these symptoms. Lying is a BIG ONE with this disorder. Stretching the truth especially. Son DOES THIS TOO! XH became very cocky in the later years. He knew EVERYTHING and I knew nothing. That is the way I felt. He was NOT SENSITIVE to my feelings. Never wanted to talk about things. He would sometimes give me a few minutes and then that was it, the conversation was over when HE said it was over. If I was not finished talking, too bad. I would say about 75% of the time he was like this.
I had to live with the cop in him. I lived with the ups and downs of his life, as I was suppose to. For better or worse right? I lived with him through his years as a Fire Chief, which was also stressful. This new girl will NOT have to face what I did in that aspect, because he is no longer a cop and no longer a Fire Chief. He no longer has that stress. He gave ALL that up a few months before he left me and our son. His words: "Too Much Stress....I Was Unhappy, Had To Leave".
Ok, AmyC, is this what you wanted. These are the main things/ways that I feel like he let me down. They may be cheesy but they hurt. I may have added too much, sorry if I did.
P.S. Who needs a therapist when they have Amy and the crew.
It's not about what I "wanted", it's about what you need. Now I ask you, do you think being married to a man that you constantly have to cover for, can not trust, does not respect you and verbally abuses both you and your son is healthy? Is that the stuff you really think 'happily ever after' is made of?
There is much more to being a good husband and father than providing for a wife and child. MUCH MORE. So far all I see is that he brought home the bacon. I'm sorry but other than that he sounds like an arrogant, domineering ass for the most part. In a situation like yours (and most of ours), in the beginning we tend to wear the rose-colored glasses and forget about our spouses less than stellar performance AS our spouse. Opening our eyes and seeing that it REALLY wasn't all our fault helps in gaining the much needed self-esteem that we've all lost a large part of by the time we find our way to this site. Your ex doesn't sound like he did much to support you emotionally, to be your friend and your lover, to lift you up and encourage you...all those things that married people should do for one another out of love. Getting a clear picture of the way it was helps to deal better with the way it now is. You also need to see that that girl really hasn't won a prize in your ex because those same behaviors he displayed in your marriage WILL rear their ugly head in the next one because HE has not dealt with his own demons. In fact, it looks to me as if they both will be getting exactly what they deserve.
Now focus on yourself and making your life better. You know the only place to go from here is up so just keep climbing. You will see the sun again.
P.S. - Do not acknowledge his birthday. It will just be another reason for him to smack you back down. Don't give it to him.
