it concerns me because the affair was going on during my marriage. I'm not telling omw what to do, but I'm certainly willing to help. This A broke up my family and my marriage. Its the entire reason why none of W's reasons for divorce made no sense.
That's pretty interesting to find out from OMW that her H's faults are similar to yours. But remember, some of us guys do pretty stereotypical things that get on womens nerves - ie. not asking directions, leaving the seat up, etc...
She does need to eventually confront if she wants the A to end quicker. Right now her H is leading a double life and the excitement is keeping it going.
it concerns me because the affair was going on during my marriage. I'm not telling omw what to do, but I'm certainly willing to help. This A broke up my family and my marriage. Its the entire reason why none of W's reasons for divorce made no sense.
I guess I'd like to see my W hit bottom...then see what happens. Not sure what I would do knowing what I know now, but I'd like to see her get a little of her own medicine. Not sure if thats totally revenge or just a little piece of my heart talking.
I guess I'd like to see my W hit bottom...then see what happens. Not sure what I would do knowing what I know now, but I'd like to see her get a little of her own medicine. Not sure if thats totally revenge or just a little piece of my heart talking.
Understandable reaction, but I wish nothing for the best for my W who is in an active A. You have to let go of letting other people control how you feel.
Choose to feel compassion.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
I too wish for my wife to "hit bottom," but only because I know that's the only way she'll ever get help. My sister has a saying: "God will break you before He will fix you."
I dont wish harm on my W...I do still love her but feel she's a little wacked out right now....I suppose I'm hoping for the non wacked out version to return. I realize thats really doubtful. I think she is allowing herself to be broken by putting all this crap above her head.
I dont wish harm on my W...I do still love her but feel she's a little wacked out right now....I suppose I'm hoping for the non wacked out version to return. I realize thats really doubtful. I think she is allowing herself to be broken by putting all this crap above her head.
This feeling of hope (sometimes hopelessness) is there involuntarily and we still want that miracle in the back of our minds because we have lost sooo much as a result of what the WA has done and they are still going to be a thorn in our side for years to come and we just can't believe the wasteful nightmare continues to go on. Its no better than dealing with an alcoholic around you. But as Kalni says below ...
"Right now, you cant do much. Take care of yourself. I know the pain, I've felt it. Most of us here have. Get strong and find things that give you pleasure. Take care of you. That's all you can do. K"
My opinion is that it's her business, and up to her what she wants to do. You and your wife are divorced, and as painful as it is to learn all of this, it no longer concerns you.
Divorced or not I guess it is naturally of concern because this was his W - divorce is just a piece of paper compared with so many years of marriage and family life and the kids are living in this garbage. So perhaps "not in your control" is really what to keep in mind as the Serenity Prayer says http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_prayer
"some of us guys do pretty stereotypical things that get on womens nerves - ie. not asking directions, leaving the seat up, etc..." Now why don't we guys get all mad when we have to lift up the toilet seat? I mean even if we hold on to our nuts, we just don't pee without doing that do we? And we never complain about it. As for directions ... thank heavens for GPS; so much better than a W who can't read maps when there's noone around to ask for the next 100 miles or who tells you where to exit after you are just past it.
