Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

Thank you, Yanni and Jackie.

Yanni - I think you are right about our children feeling secure enough with us to show us everything. They are such persective little creatures - even when they're so small. This thought had occurred to me, but I wasn't focusing on it like I should have been. Our younger child is starting to do it too now - copying big sister. I'm trying to stay calm and say matter-of-factly that what they're saying hurts my feelings. We'll see how that goes. Thank you so much for visiting my thread. I'm glad to hear you and your little one are feeling better. Hang in there. You are doing a wonderful job in every area.

Jackie - I wish I had 1/10 of your clarity. You have written everthing out so clearly, when I get up enough courage to talk to H about this, I'm going to memorize what you wrote and say that. You put everything so well. I know he and I have to talk about this. The question is when to do it. We're into the holidays, then our anniversary (and the anniversary of the bomb ) and our older child's birthday is in January; our younger child's birthday is in February. I'm so scared to bring anything about the S, the bomb, our pre-bomb issues up, and this is not good. It makes me cry just to think about talking to him about all of it. You are right, though, I have to. This is what my gut tells me too. What my fearful self wants to do is to not alk about anything, ot get pregnant yet and just roll along, but this is basically sticking my head in the sand, and not the right or brave or faithful thing to do.

The idea of Retrovaille is great! We were registered for a weekend 4/03, but didn't go b/c he didn't feel "even a spark for me" and told me about the OP instead. That might be a really good approach at this point, though. Thank you for that great idea. He, at the time of the bomb, was questioning his religious beliefs as well , and when he went to our priest for support, just after he moved out, the priest wasn't helpful at all (He betrayed both of us, actually, which is a whole other issue.)

I know we have to have this conversation, but the thought of H saying anything along the lines of I'm not sure, I can't guarantee anything, etc. just scares the h#ll out of me. Plus, I worry that no matter how he feels right now, he could get to that place again with the stress of another child. Something to really pray about. Thank you so much for your faithful support of me! I appreciate it more than you can know.

Positives:
1. H said to me last night, "We do have fun, don't we?"
2. H was supportive of me this AM when I was frustrated that we were running late. I also managed to calm myself down without having an outburst (someold dogs can learn new tricks - just need to be consistant with this one.)
3. H opened the car door for me this AM.

Thinking of all of you and saying prayers.