I am sorry but right now I feel like no one wants me and is ever going to want me. Is this normal?
This is 100% normal and it happens to every single one of us who attempts to DB, no matter our circumstances.
In a day or so you need to tell your son in no uncertain terms that you are not interested in idle conversation regarding his father or what is going on in his father's life. If your son can not respect that, he needs to live elsewhere because at this point he's just adding to your pain and he is old enough to realize that, be sensitive and knock it off. Just tell him to stop it. Don't be whiny or wishy washy, just tell him you don't want to hear anything else about his father unless his life is in danger and only your blood can save him and then you can tell him you'll get back with him on that. Am I clear? You HAVE to do this for YOU. Now straighten up that backbone I know you have and do it!
Now, as for being alone forever and/or no one else ever wanting you, that's in your hands. If you take care of yourself and act on the things all of us are telling you you can transform yourself from this shattered woman into a vital, attractive, healthy and stable woman that can take on the world. But it starts with listening. It truly does. To us. Who have been there. ALL of us have been there in some form or other and have heeded the same kind of advice. Well almost all of us. There's always one or two that just screw off and talk the talk without walking the walk but the vast majority of us can back up what we are suggesting by telling you of our own experiences. Many of the women here have done that. I think you skim those posts though...
Renee, do you remember when I asked you to look back at your marriage and yourself honestly and tell us about your failures within the marriage? I think it is time for you to embark on Part 2 of that exercise now.
Part 2 is when you open your eyes and take a realistic look back over the marriage and the actions and behaviors of your husband. The ways in which HE failed YOU. I want you to do that and tell us the ways in which you think HE failed. The reason I am asking you to do this now is so you can get a balanced picture in your mind's eye of your relationship. It is important to do that because if you only complete the first part, you're going to do exactly what you've been doing: feeling down about yourself. The personal (and ongoing) reality check you've had about yourself as a person and a wife is only one half of the picture God saw of your marriage. I want you to pray for the eyes to see the other half. I think that will help you to gain some perspective.
We will talk more after I read that you have done that.
