I do have a question. My H said that he feels like I will always be superior to him. That I will always have more education (currently working on my BSN and he just got his HS diploma and GED because he never made an effort to take care of it in the past but it's necessary to getting a job here in the US), be a better parent, will make more money, be more loving, and more caring. He says he wants someone who looks up to him with stars in their eyes saying, "Oh, you are so smart!". He says he wants to be with someone who looks up to him and because we are both very smart he feels that I don't need him. He says he has felt like I am not interested in him for a very long time. How does backing away and giving him space factor into this? It doesn't feel productive. HELP!?!
Please read in DB and here about Validating. Learn to listen, really listen, and don't try to fix things - let him know you are listening, that you understand his position, and leave it at that. Where you have opportunity, you can complement him on what you think are his strengths - but don't overdo it, right now it should be about 10 sentences from him for about 1 word from you.
Please try to read the books, and understand what improving for ourselves first means. Understand that you cannot "fix" him, only yourself. Hopefully he will see this and come to believe it and maby even want to improve himself.
One last piece of advice: remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. You cannot fix what has occurred between you overnight. You must be dedicated to the long haul of taking care of yourself, improving yourself, and moving towards a better future - and that future is not tomorrow.
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