Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

Thank you, Jackie. I really appreciate your posts. I agree it would be great for the aliens to see that it isn't all about them. I think in time yours will.

Yesterday was interesting. H and I spent some time together before getting the children. H brought up the subject again about having a third child. We had a good talk, including me crying (couldn't help it) when talking about our oldest child and what's been going on with her. I have several concerns about having another child (although I have always wanted several) at this time - $$, the effect it would have on our other two, etc. I voiced most of these concerns to H, but held one (?the main one?) back - that I'm afraid to have another child and have him leave again. I'm afraid of what the stress of having another child would do to our M. If we decide to start trying, we would begin early next fall, so we have some time.

The other side of this is that I'm 37 and don't want to wait too much longer b/c of the increased risks of being older and pregnant.

I feel like I'm really uncertain here as far as what's "OK" to say and what's not. I know the answer is not to keep all my thoughts/feelings to myself for the rest of our lives, but saying "I'm worried you'll leave again," seems like R talk to me, which I've been avoiding.

H really wants to start trying in about three months. He even called me this AM to ask if I'd taken my OCP. It makes me so happy to hear that H wants another child, but I'm wondering if it wouldn't be better to wait until we have a little more solid time together before adding this type of a stressor to the R.

I am praying about this and would appreciate your prayers as well. I felt pretty peaceful about the idea of having another baby this AM - a sign? or maybe I'm just too tired to be so scared?

Positives:
1. Oldest child spontaneously said ILY to me this AM. (Not related to my M, but still a positive!)
2. H wants to have another baby.
3. H did stay out until midnight, but I didn't even wake up to worry until he came home. When he did come home, he was sweet - told me what they talked about, etc.


Hope all of you are doing well today. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.


An exerpt from my devotional this AM:

We need to simply understand that with the Lord there is always enough......and the gospel makes clear that whatever the level of distress, where the Lord is allowed to be present there is always enough.

Scripture: Matthew 15:29-39 (loaves and fishes)

From Forward Day by Day/Forward Movement Publications Nov and Dec 2003, Jan 2004