When my wife and I started piecing, I knew that assumptions could kill or poison hard work, she agreed.
So we establshed a simple rule, no more assumptions and to speak plainly.
If I said something and it could be taken one of two ways and one of those ways was bad...That was not my intention. Why would I do that, if I wanted that I would say the bad thing plainly.
C, you realize you 'overthink' things. But when do you realize that? In hindsight? Later? the next day? Or hopefully do you realize it AS you are overthinking? If that is the case you can stop it. Laugh at yourself if you have too but stop and engage yourself in something else.
Look, are you guys piecing?
If No, then disregard the following.
If yes, then...
Quote:
He called me later, and the first thing he said was that when he got my text he was all ready to come over---he said, "I had dark jeans and a new shirt on and everything!" (something he knew I would like) I said that I didn't know why he didn't come then. He said that he got really involved in what he was doing and didn't realize it was so late. When he got my text he thought it meant I didn't want him to come. I asked why he thought that, since all I did was inform him of what was happening. He said that is just how he works--- assuming the worst. I said I understood, since when he just answered with "sorry I missed you" it meant he didn't want to come. In the end, he said that he doesn't know why he doesn't think like a "normal" person- that he sees now that he should have picked up the phone to say "hey, time got away from me!" but that the thought honestly never occured to him. He was getting a lot done and he just didn't think.
This is OPEN and VITAL communication, you have learned the hard way how to talk...now you just need to learn WHEN.
See where I'm going with this?
How much angst yours and his could have been avoided if this conversation happened much earlier? Your night might have much different indeed.
Piecing...is about being brave all over again...and more so. You have to brave enough to speak up, when you have trained yourself not too. You have to be brave enough to allow yourself to be gutted by a person you now know CAN and has hurt you before.
This isn't for whimps. This is a minefield. Strangely its a minefield you choose to walk through. This is your choice, and in order to get across you have to be brave.
Speak plainly. Speak up. Speak sooner.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
