Random, but I have to ask. 10 below your height. In what measurements? Centimeters and kilograms? And no, from your pics, I'd say you are a very healthy weight. Definitely not overweight.
I think it is very easy when you give so much for the other person to get complacent. It makes the boundaries fuzzier sometimes. Especially when they get away with giving back little in comparison. Granted, they give back in other ways. But I see that the balance seemed off, especially since you don't consider his $$$ to be giving to you.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Michelle, in kilos. I am 1,71 cm and weigh (now) 61,5 kgs (yeah)!!
I was trying to boost my self confidence a bit earlier, excuse my talking about myself...
Kerry, we both couldnt cope with him adjusting here. I was his mouth and his ears due to language and we got so tired of that. He started his own business and suddenly we were struggling financially because he was a hardware engineed and no jobs like that existed here almost 20 years ago. Also, I think I was too immature to appreciate him 100% and he was too stuborn to accept the cultural differences. He was 13 years older than me and I met him when I was 16.
A couple of years ago he sent me a wodnerful letter telling me I was and always will be the greatest love of his life, apologising and asking for my forgiveness. All through the years I thought our Divorce was desired by both of us and he told me (2 years ago)that he didnt really but knew we had no chance as I refused to move to the States with him. I did sent him a letter back (we had been communicating frequently but we had never discussed our divorce like that) apologising too and making sure he knew I have nothing else but love for him in my heart.
He is one of the few people that wanted me to divorce H and move to Idaho ( ) right from the beginning. He even said he hoped his fellow American would be smarter than him and never let me go and was very disappointed by my decision to hold on to H. So I guess I wasnt that mean to him as I felt guilty of.
He says, in my emails and letters, he has watched me loosing my spirit and "shine" over the years and blames H for that. He never got married and he doesnt have kids. He doesnt get thet part of the story. But he supports me, even now although he doesnt agree with my choices. K
When I left Munich and we stayed away form each other for 2 years, he sent me 1 sometimes 2 letters EVERY day (I did too). I travelled back and forth evry other weekend. That's how my parents were convinced to allow me to date him seriously and let me go with him to the States and travel all over Europe with him. I wasnt allowed to go out after midnight here (I was in college and 19 years old), but I was allowed to go to US!!!
My friends here used to tell me I should lie I am visiting him in the States and stay here just to party... Crazy times.
Hmmm. I did the conversions. I'm 167 cm and 64 kilos. I haven't been 57 kilos since high school, and I was a little shorter then. I've been a few kilos less than I am now, and I don't really like it. My face gets too hollow.
Hmmm.
Anyways. I can see why the Texan had such a hard time. The cultural and language boundaries must have been ginormous! (Not sure if you know that slang. Kind of a combo between giant and enormous.)
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
It took me far too long to think that I'd pay to see that (Michelle and Kalni boxing), and then I wasn't even sure I wanted to post it..... I think I am broken....
"Kerry, we both couldn't cope with him adjusting here."
Timing has a lot to do with life. I have learned this alot. It could be a recurring theme here on DB. One of the best things I think you could do in a relationship is get the "timing" right. As we grow and learn.. I think we start to understand this. It takes practice to get it right.
"A couple of years ago he sent me a wonderful letter telling me I was and always will be the greatest love of his life, apologizing and asking for my forgiveness."
Again to me this kinda points to the fact.. the timing was off. It's easy to look back and see where you screwed up. It is really hard to look forward.. and get it right all of the time. I would suspect that he did not need to write that letter.. just because you already "knew". I suspect that you knew he did not mean to hurt you. I suspect that you knew there were times you left him "lacking".
"He says, in my emails and letters, he has watched me loosing my spirit and "shine" over the years and blames H for that."
Well.. that just says it all. He is wrong in the fact that it is your H fault. It is yours.. 100%. Kalni the thing that stands out about you.. is your "Sunshine". (Sorry Woog) It is what attracts people too you. I have long said all of this is a walk of you and who you want to be. To me.. this is how you win.
If you could act like you did 8-9ish months ago.. and understand that is the real you.. Wow.. is all I can say about that.
"What a very interesting and somewhat sad story of love lost."
Yet I don't see him listed in your signature anywhere. So out of your great story.. who is the "Lost Love"? Life shows us where we got the timing wrong.. simply to have a reference point.. of when we should get it right. Sometimes we have to wait on the best times in life.. even though we want them right now.
To me you have put way too much effort into "this" (Your time on DB) to give up now.
Enjoy your "day" (Life).
And always...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Agree fb2...we may want to add aging to the reasons for straying. Some folks who pay too much attention to what they look like and who are perhaps worried about the ability to attract the opposite sex....alot of selfishness around these days.
Unfortunately this happens to the MLC WAS - particularly W's just before they turn 40 and they hear their biological clock ticking. They think ... me, me, me, ... At any rate there's some good input above on unconditional love, self-love, boundaries, etc.
K, In your case I still don't understand why your H still lives separately when he loves you and does not want a D. What does he want? It's clear that you'd like to stay married as well. So why are you not being calmly assertive in this regard to end the stalemate? Why wait even another day to get this situation resolved? It's all very puzzling to me. If there's one BIG thing I regret not doing its being assertive with my W on the very first D treat by asking her to either start working with me or get out right away - its took me a long time to realize this of course like many of us here who struggled in Limboland. Surely you too are a lot wiser after all this time?
) right from the beginning. He even said he hoped his fellow American would be smarter than him and never let me go and was very disappointed by my decision to hold on to H. So I guess I wasnt that mean to him as I felt guilty of.