BND I agree about posting her info, that was in a state of anger. Over and done with, wont happen again. BUT howl, by just posting here, am I pushing my spouse away further. I dont even speak with him anymore. Other than when I looked at her page that day, I dont bother them. AGAIN I post here to get it all out, that doesnt mean I am running him all over town, believe me! I may be spinning here, you are right. BUT I am NOT acting on my feelings. What I am trying to tell you is that I use to call my xh all the time, now I go weeks without speaking to him. Yes I had a weak moment, when he proposed, that moment is over and done with. THE END. When and if she gets pregnant, I may have another weak moment. Until then I want nothing to do with him or her. The only thing I have done lately is look at her myspace page.
Please tell me I AM NOT the only one here that has looked at a myspace page.
As for praying, yes I prayed for them BOTH last night. I want him to be happy....I have my sad moments, and get mad at him sometimes, but yes I want him to be happy. AND I want to be happy TOO.
So do I. I live in the Eastern Part. Renee, as far as what you have been doing in regards to your XH, it does seem to be a bit obsessive. Its a rough thing when someone walks off and leaves you, believe me I am very much in tune with that! I got left with 2 little kids 4 and 5 years old, I understand fear, anger, resentment, all of the emotions that go along with this. Renee, I got to the point that to even THINK about her made me sick to my stomach! I mean that litterally! I honestly never what to speak to her again, I truly mean that. She has called me at home, work and cell. I refuse to take her calls, we are divorced, have been for 2 years, she got what she wanted, she needs to grow up and accept it. Anyway, the point I am trying to make here Renee is this; You cannot continue to obsess over this man, from a legal standpoint, you can get yourself into trouble f your aren't carefull, and belive me these people WILL DO IT! MLCers will do ANYTHING to hurt you, don't think for one second they won't! I advise you to start going out, doesn't necessarily have to be a date, but go out with people and do things. Renee, the more time you have on your hands, the more you will think up of things to do, like looking at the picture or what not.
I go out all the time, I went out last night to a friends house. I dont sit at home obbessing about him. I dont know why people here think I dot. Just because I dont post what I do every night, doesnt mean I dont have a life too. Yes I could do more, but I work and have two boys in my home to feed. I AM NOT doing anything here that will get my in trouble.
Ok guys I want you all to tell me (list) what I have done in the past few weeks that you call obbessing, or that you think I am going to get in trouble over. I really want you to list this, because other than looking at a myspace page, I have not dont anything but work and go out with friends. I ask this because I think their is some miscommunication on my part or yours. I really dont see it. I talk here and vent here but I DONT act on those feelings. I did speak to me on the phone and told him my opinion because he was telling me what is GREAT plans were. I dont think that is obbessing. It was a two-way conversation. So tell me please guys.
Do us a favor sunshine....start posting some of the things you are doing for you. If you go out with your friends then post it. You don't have to tell everything you do, but once in awhile post something you do for you.
All we see here is the stuff you "vent" about so that is all we have to go on. Give us another side of you.
2 boys in your home to feed? I thought you only had one son? How old is the other boy?
OK guys my son just came in and told me in detail he, xh and ow and her family are going shopping tomorrow and out to eat for xh's birthday. It hurts me to hear these things. I didnt say much, just what time are you going. My son is adjusting good. He seems to like ow and her family. It hurts though. I would be so much better off not knowing all these things though. I want to know where son is if he is not going to be home. BUT he goes into detail about it. I know he doesnt understand how this hurts me. I just wish he could have said something like "I am going with dad tomorrow for his birthday". I am being over sensitive. Tell me what to do. I can talk to son about this, but I dont think he will listen. He probably thinks I am being silly.
Renee, I would not talk to your son about telling you things today. Wait a day or so. If you do it now, he will perceive your talk as being angry, resentful and jealous. He most likely would tell his father what you said if you did.
So, with that in mind....do something totally different... Now, about him sharing what he is doing tomorrow, asking what time he needs to be ready is okay. You may even want to say to him, "son I hope you have a good time w/your dad". Leave it very short and simple. By keeping it short and simple, he has nothing to repeat back to his father.
Yes, it hurts like hell, but you need to look at this another way....he's getting to spend time w/his father. Many children don't have that opportunity. Take the lemons and make lemonade. Be thankful for what time your xh does spend w/his son.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snodderly I just wish he wouldnt give me details about whos going and so forth.
Snodderly I am soooo loney, I wish someone would call and want to take me to dinner. I know I need to heal. BUT how do I get pass the loniness? I think some of the anger I have toward xh is because he has someone already and is going on with his life. I am HERE going nowhere. Jealous!
Hey Sun, I thought you were going to have a polite conversation with your son about NOT sharing details about xh and ow. Did you decide not to? He is 18, and he is old enough to know that sharing all of the details is hurtful to you. Do you really think he doesn't know that? I kind of think it is slightly odd, and don't know why he wants to tell you all of this stuff. Don't get angry at him, but I think you two DO need to have a calm conversation about it in the near future. Don't throw a pitty party, try to guilt him, or anything like that. Just express that it is better for you to not hear all of the details, and that you have no need to hear them. Now, if he's excited about something he did with his dad, okay. But, it doesn't need to include all of the details of dad's new relationship.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Renee, Learn to love yourself and find things to keep yourself busy. We are all lonely at first, but once you stop thinking about them and focusing on something else, your time will become your own and you will stay busy. People do not want to be around someone who is unhappy all of the time and venting about their former spouse. Learn to find the beauty in each day and try to smile at last once a day. A smile and a calm attitude will open many doors.
BTW, I was not very patient with BND many times.
Going no where? That is your choice to stay stuck in one place. Your xh left your marriage a long time ago and had ample time to find someone new. You, on the other hand, were just handed the crap not long ago. However, your xh is not holding you hostage in your body....you are. That's why it's important to work on yourself, make a list of things that you want to do for you and do them. They don't have to be anything fancy, i.e., it could be decluttering a closet or painting or putting a puzzle together, but do something constructive w/your time.
Like I stated, do not talk to your son now or he will think you are doing so because of tomorrow. Select another day and sit down w/him and explain that what his father does is none of your business and the same would apply to your business as well.
Now, make your list of what you want to do and start checking them off as you do them.
