You are not going to screw your kids up. You are doing a wonderful job with them. I don't think teaching your daughter empathy is something bad. Maybe you should just ignore her behavior, that might be the next step. I know when my son was little he said G-D---M it about every 5 seconds and until I ignored him he would not stop!! Very embarrassing in the grocery store!!
Don't say anything about the driving. He's heard it. He knows. It will just be construed as nagging. He's an adult, if he drinks and drives it is his problem. You cannot control him staying out late either, just like you could not control when he came home. If he calls, tell him how thoughtful he is. If he comes home reasonable, tell him how great that is, too. He was already being thoughtful by asking which day was better for you.
Step back, take a breath and follow the advice you would give me... your H is HOME and he loves YOU.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
