Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

Thank you, Opt and Holdingon ~ I appreciate your thoughts very much. It is strange feeling like I can't truly be myself at home. The best thing would be a happy medium. To express my feelings in a calm manner - just don't feel safe expressing much of anything other than happiness right now. It will come with time just like everything else. Have to remind myself to be patient in all areas.

Holdingon - I've tried to tell my daughter exactly what you said and come to think of it, so has H. When I do, she cries and behaves as if her feelings are hurt. Just not sure what's the best way to handle it at this point. My latest strategy was to calmly leave the room. Who knows. Just don't want to screw my kids up emotionally. I feel like such a freak.

Now for another question - My H just called. One of his friends called and wants to go out. H asked if I preferred tonight or tomorrow night. I said it didn't really matter to me , but that tomorrow night might be better b/c I would be able to leave work early tomorrow and have dinner ready before picking up the children, etc. He said he'd ask his friend and see what would be better for him. In the past when H has gone out with this friend, they have on occasion had too much to drink and driven afterwards. This has been an issue somewhat. My feelings are that drinking and driving are an unnecessary risk. I have asked my H nicely before he went out not to drink and drive. I've also made the comment calmly after he has driven home when he has had too much to drink that I think it is dangerous to do this and would he please not continue to do this. I'm not trying to be his mom - just expressing my opinion. I've even told him that I would come and get him, no matter what time it was - all he had to do was call me. So, while I'm acting as if, do I say this again or go with the fact that I've said it before and keep quiet?

I'm also thinking will he stay out very late and not call? Already worried that I'll wake up at midnight and he won't be home and I'll start to worry about other things . (this happened in the pre-bomb months and it drove me nuts!)


Off to calm myself down and finish my work. Anyone who is around and can let me know what you think, I'd appreciate it. I hate feeling like I have trouble deciding what I should and shouldn't say. It stinks sometimes feeling like I have to be so careful about all my responses.