My new goal now is to count the number of days I don't talk about R, ex-OW or fight with him. Avoiding those three topics are my goal.

Update on my sitch:

On Tuesday we got into an arguement. OW from his EA is (or was) calling him again and I was upset about it. But the arguement wasn't about her.

I asked him when he was going to file. I had just had enough. He said he'd go see a lawyer this week. He's actually said this before so I really didn't think much of it.

Later, he tells me about a credit card he's been using, and I didn't know, so was not planning it in the bills. I look it up and I told him we no longer had the money to file because of this bill he didn't tell me about and I paid it off with the extra funding.

He said "Well, we don't need to do anything with that until after your trip to VA in May. Things will be different then, we'll have refinanced, so we'll see then."

I said "H let me ask you a question." He said sure.

"Do you really think we're getting divorced?'

"Un-huh, yeah."

"See, I don't."

"How do you figure?"

"I'll give it to you mathematically. I think 33% of you is confused as hell. I think 33% of you wants me and S, intact as a family....you want me. You often tell me you are attracted to me, and for the record, thank you. I love it when you say that. Always have."

He says "You are very hot. Never been a problem there for us."

I continue: "And 33% of you has some interest in this stupid girl." He sort of laughed. "You know as well as anyone, that's never going to happen. But for some reason, you need revenge or really more, you need to win. You need to walk away from that relationship and say 'i won'. And the good news there is you're the one making the rules for that game as you go along so you get to decide when it's over and when you are the champion."

He said "Maybe." (My H has a pretty big ego.)

I said "For me, it's that extra 1% I'm curious about. There have been times when it's been with her. There's been times it's been with me. But I think most of the time, it's in the middle, with the confused as hell part of you."

He was silent.

I added "So, really I think we both know how this is going to end......that one % with me. And that's all I've got. You don't agree with me?"

He said "I don't know......want to meet us at Chick-fil-a?"

"No. Frankly, I don't want to look at you right now." He laughed and agreed and we hung up.


That's relatively paraphrased, but the point I was trying to make was "You haven't crossed a line yet, but you are REALLY damn close." Not sure if he got it or not.

So a couple of hours later, he brings S to me to where S and I are currently living. I'm upstairs. He and S come up stairs. Vince is playing on the stairs. I sit down and put my arms out waiting for me. H sits on my back, for just a second then stands up. Sort of weird, but physical contact for sure.

I put S in the tub. I go into my little bathroom to grab something and H follows me and starts to GROPE me! I just about kicked him in the jewels.

I turn around and grab his hands and say "What the.....???? I'm not your whore!"

He says "Nope. You never were, never will be. You're the mother of my child." (I wanted to say "No dumb dumb, I'm your wife, but didn't.) I said "You are crazy--with all this going on, you're nutz. You need to go figure out your other crap before you even think about this."

And he proceeds to want to hug and be affectionate etc.......???? Just to see what he would do, I went to kiss him when he was leaving and he gave me a very very nice one.

Hello Conductor..???? I'd like off this ride now.

Yesterday, S and I were at home with H. I was playing a late make up tennis match about 2 miles from our home. So H put S to sleep and when I got home, S was in the guest room bed, not his own. So I took a shower and told H (who is now in bed) where S was sleeping.

"So, sleep with me." Ok. He didn't try anything--was actually sort of cuddly. In the morning he kissed me good bye on the forehead while I was still in bed with S who joined us at some point in the night.

We are going to go to a theme park this Saturday for S's birthday.

The last weekend of the month, I'm going on a little vacation. I need out of town for a breather. I haven't been out of town since September. H wants to go with me....which I think is good, isn't it?

But again my new goals: No talk about R, OW, D. And no more fights. My guts really can't take it anymore. We've cut back a lot on the fights, but when we do, they are doozies. No more, please.