Thank you Jackie. It means so much to me to hear your thoughts. You are right about the poem applying to all R's. It will take time to change the old patterns. Just recognizing them is a start, I guess. Thank you for the encouragement.
I know what you mean about Halloween treats - they are all over the place here at work, and I eat them constantly. I've really got to watch that! I'm already starting to gain weight.
Update: Last night was a little rough. My mom brought the dinner, but didn't stay b/c she wasn't feeling well. (It breaks my heart to see her this way.) So, I guess I was feeling a bit sad about my mom, but felt like I needed to keep up the happy, happy, happy routine (a girlfriend probably wouldn't be crying about her mom's declining health). Anyway, this is basically it: the children were tired and there were several tantrums, refusal to eat dinner, etc. Our oldest seems to direct alot of her anger at me - "Go away, Mommy! Leave me alone!" H said at one point, "Maybe two [kids] is enough." This after he was ready to start trying to have another one when he got home from working out of town. I let this go, which is somewhat of a 180 for me. (I would have latched on to this and asked a million questions before....do you really not want any more kids, are you unhappy here, blah, blah, blah.)After that we were OK for a while, them a rough time getting them ready for bed, and H and I had a disagreement about putting one of the kids in time out. I apologized for "not handling it the right way" - (yikes! more of the same! ). H seemed irritated, and then withdrew a little (more of the same). He did ask if I was OK, and I asked if he was OK. He went to bed early. I started to spiral, but was able to stop this. I cleaned up a bit then went to bed. This AM I acted as if things were fine (a 180), and things went well.
Overall it went well, but I just feel like I'm so close to screwing things up. One slip up and I'm afraid he'll leave again.
Positives: 1. H said good job on the kitchen. 2. H told me I looked nice this morning. 3. H put his are around me as we walked to the car.
Hoping to read some more on your threads today. Thank you for reading my thread and for your input and your prayers. It means so much to me and helps keep me focused.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
(a girlfriend probably wouldn't be crying about her mom's declining health). Anyway, this is basically it: the children were tired and there were several tantrums, refusal to eat dinner, etc. Our oldest seems to direct alot of her anger at me - "Go away, Mommy! Leave me alone!" 
H said at one point, "Maybe two [kids] is enough." This after he was ready to start trying to have another one when he got home from working out of town. I let this go, which is somewhat of a 180 for me. (I would have latched on to this and asked a million questions before....do you really not want any more kids, are you unhappy here, blah, blah, blah.)After that we were OK for a while, them a rough time getting them ready for bed, and H and I had a disagreement about putting one of the kids in time out. I apologized for "not handling it the right way" - (yikes! more of the same! 
