[What we must learn not to do is tie our own willingness to love another to how they treat us, how they behave, or what they are out in the world; and we can only love another by seeing and accepting who they are.
What I'm saying is this: we must learn to love without condition, even as we love ourselves enough not to continue in relationship with those who don't love and respect us. It's very simple: at the bottom of every successful and loving intimate relationship is a love for Oneself that says, "I love you no matter what; but to stay in intimate connection to me, you must continue to behave in a loving and respectful manner." If the partner doesn't treat us kindly, we can continue to love them, but we don't need to remain in an intimate relationship with them-in fact, we cannot stay in intimate relationship with them if we love ourselves. Part of our weakness in loving both ourselves and others is to confuse the two, to believe that a love relationship exists even when our partner is behaving in an unloving way. It's true that love may exist, but a loving relationship does not-and that is the heart of how we must choose our companions. It's noble to continue to love someone who mistreats you-it isn't noble in the least to remain open to, vulnerable to, and in intimate contact with someone who mistreats you. A truly loving attitude toward others is not based in how they treat us, but a relationship is.]
I wish a lot of people on here would read this. A RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES 2 people, TREATING each other lovingly. We can say we love unconditionally and that is what how we honor our vows but the truth is, we dont love ourselves enough and foolishly subject US in "virtual" relationships made up in our heads.
So many people here, are proud to say they love cheaters, abusers, lousy fathers/mothers to their kids, liars, addicted persons, in some cases even persons with pathological habbits that endanger their lives or their kid's lives because "God" doenst want divorce or because "unconditional love accepts anything..." . I dont agree.
Weirdly Al, I feel I am reaching at this exact point. I love my husband for all the things we share, for our kids, for our past, for our dreams, as a person. I am slowly accepting -and therefore I am calmer- that a intimate relationship is not possible with him. He doesnt treat me lovigly. He has disrespected me and he hasnt tried to "change" that. I am accepting him for who he is and I am accepting that him and me, cant be in a relationship. This is exactly what I was planning to tell him next time we talk. I dont want him to change. He can be the way he wants to be. TO be WITH me though, he would have to. So, I dont see how we can go on for much longer. I love myself more. Finally... K
