I got a text back from him last night.. at 2.20am! He had just got in after an Easter meal out with ALL our friends (he told me this) so more late night texts, which I havent had since July (pre-Helen).. and he said.. "say hi to your Mum and Dad" - thats MASSIVE! Thats the first time he has said that in 18 months, its a really big deal. He loves my Dad like a father and hasnt been able to mention him due to guilt after leaving me. My Mum said, he really is transparent isnt he.. its like he is back home all week, reconnecting with his old life, family, friends, now me and Dad... My ex told me that he was there to spend time with his Mum this week as he felt he "hadnt been that nice to her".. so all this is pointing to him coming out of the fog and stepping back into his old self and life. Its wierd, people write about it here, but I can really see it happening!
MORE NEWS!
So.. I replied today and then he did straight away! Said he was playing golf with a friend of ours (I know what he's been up to all week!) and wished me a good night tonight at Band night and signed the text...
Me
THATS HUGE !!!!! Thats deliberate, I was waiting for him to do that.. its a huge sign he is coming back around.. this is our pet name we used to sign texts and emails. He carried on doing it after the bomb, but stopped when he moved out and started signing his name. Then, when he started coming to see me again last Feb, he reverted to 'me' again, right up until the end of August when he started seeing Helen. When contact resumed by October, he reverted to signing only his name and stuck to that all along, despite the talks and hugs we have had.. right up until today !
Oh.. getting a little bit excited now. Venus stopped still today before it turns direct tommorow.
Great news but don't get your hopes up too quickly. Mine made similar progress several time only to go "back in the tunnel."
Play it cool and take care of yourself.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Oh sh*t .. you're kidding !? Damnit! Was getting a little ickle eensy weensy smidgen of excited then, its true. Well, I did say he was heading into a once in a lifetime Neptune-Sun transit didnt I, which is described in astrology texts as like being "in a fog" (great!) and causes confusion and is like looking through smoked glass - so, yep, cant count me chickens just yet...I havent replied to his text yet, I'll leave it hey..
Meanwhile, the Piscean wants to woo me, marry me and have my children it seems.
How wierd life is.
Hey though sleeper.. I notice that your WAS being your W is female.. and as Jody the DB coach explained to me, there is a big difference between male and female WAS.. male ones usually leave because they feel shamed and inadequate, so I have been working hard to negate those feelings in him.. and lots of patience hey !!!!
Mine really has seemed to be repeating patterns from her younger years; rebellion, self-centeredness, bad-boy boyfriend, now marriage.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Did Jody give you any other info about why males leave? She said to me they are a whole different kettle of fish (perhaps she didn't use that phrase but you know what I mean ). She said the WAW will spout and show anger. The WAH will usually not say a lot and it is really hard to get anything from them.
Hey guys... yes she explained to me that WAW are often angry and bitter and have done alot of processing BEFORE they leave.. whereas WAH are the opposite.. they do a knee jerk to get away from their feelings of inadequacy and THEN they do the processing once they are gone.. this is why it is harder, she said, to win back a WAW than a WAH, because by the time a WAW has resolved to leave, it is often too late. I will find my notes and post some more about it. I dont think all breakups are WA's though.. I wasnt when I left my ex at 27.. I just wasnt in love with him anymore and he wasnt my destiny. I guess that happens too, sadly.
Good grief girlfriend! I didn't realize I'd lost your thread off my 'watched' list! So much has been going on. I found myself breathless hoping for you. I will continue to do so.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Those are all fantastic steps! But yes, MLCers can come in and out of the tunnel a few times. It's not a linear kind of progression. So, don't be devestated if he goes back once more. Enjoy it for what it is - awesome!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I've been DBing my *ss off after the train had left the station.
So what's a male DBer to do?
I'm statring to hear voices, ya know?
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
On my part I've been trying to blend DBing with working on suggestions from MB's - looking for those emotional needs in W I can fulfil to get myself back in "credit" and absolutely banishing love busters.
But not sure at all if this is paying off.
Ali - its interesting that you refer to a feeling of "inadequacy" in your ex ...this might chime with something from the MB philosophy...that one of a man's primary emotional needs is for "admiration" and respect -it certainly is one of mine and during the latter part of our R I didn't feel this from my W, which led to a sort of negative / downward spiral...
Have you read Harley's His needs, her needs-(or something similar)?
). She said the WAW will spout and show anger. The WAH will usually not say a lot and it is really hard to get anything from them.