I know I love my husband. I know I love my family. I'm not sure some days if this will work and other days I'm just positive. I hate this ride, but there was lots of warnings when I got on it that it would be crazy...but there is no way for anyone here to tell any newbie what it's really going to be like....kind of like child birth.
So what I do now is try to concentrate on me and S. Most days, I'm pretty good about it, but there are moments when I am just set off. I know, and I'm working on it. We actually didn't have R talks at all. But very recently, it's come up quite a bit. I have decided we are done talking about the R because I think we've made as much progress as we are going to right now and anything more will be detrimental. So yes, you are right, no more of the R talk.
No, I don't want a divorce. There are days when I just want this to end, but really, no I don't want a life without him. However, I'm more prepared for one with out him now than I was when this started.
Today we are at a point where THE line has not been crossed. I hope we can survive this and start dating again and create a new relationship where he and I are both getting what we need from the marriage and the support to do what we want outside the marriage. (Meaning we both need to have active lives outside of each other, which we both do now. And that's great. I didn't really before this all started, not like he did. I do feel great about that new improvement.)
He's told me that I've come a long way in terms of the therapy. I was shocked, not that he noticed, but that he said something about it.
So, one day at a time. We had a great day yesterday, and so I'm expecting little to nothing from him today. And then we'll have a great whole weekend, and then NOTHING on Monday. And so on and so on.
I just need to keep my cool. Lots of work still needs to be done there.
