Just wanted to give an update. I am doing so...well emotionally.
I decided that this is his decision and I no longer want to waste my life waiting for someone who may never come around.
Maybe the OW..with all her not worthy traits are his dream. Good for him! I want more out of life..dont want to question whether someone loves me or not. I have let go.
I will always love my husband.. he was my first love and the father of my children. But, why is it fair for him to do this and me wait around in case he ever comes around. NOT!
I have a huge support team with our friends, my family and friends from work. Men especially telling me I am worth more.. that I am confident I will survive this and be ok...
Plus, it disgusts me with all the back and forth... if he loves her..great..
When I am ready to go out and date..I will never look for anyone close to the qualities my hubby has.. he is selfish in his own way, a smoker and doesnt have the drive that I do. Those are the things when we did fight that it would be over... me..wanting to work around the house and his smoking.
So... all week I have been doing well..GAL!
Yea me. Just need to finish the paperwork and get to the attorney. Ick!
Even though you have set a direction, I want you to know there are many challenges and emotions yet to come. I know the people here will offer support and experience any time you desire.
One of the biggest things for me was to realize my feelings and emotions were perfectly normal. I felt like crap, emotionally and physically, but knowing what I was feeling was the way I should feel, helped. You're dealing with emotions that are truely foreign to you. It always helps to hear from a knowledgeable source. It eases the burden we place on ourselves.
Take care of yourself and the kids. After those two are in order, take care of the rest. There is no reason to rush just to get it over with. You have all the time in the world for the next step. When you get to a more settled state you will notice your emotions have far less influence on your decisions. As you move forward you will be entering a negotiation and the outcome will be far better if emotions are kept in check.
I still recommend a seperation agreement to the extent where finances and the responsibilities are defined. It is very common for seperated couples to get financially strapped and with out a sepration agreement you may be responsible for debt your H has incurred. The agreement may also spell out the schedule with regard to the kids. Think about it, it does help.
My offer to e-mail stands, if I can help at all off-line, don't hesitate. I've done it for many others and will for you.
The problem with doing any type of seperation agreement is it still costs the same 3500.00 to retain the lawyer, so I might as well just file the divorce.
I do understand we are through. It is just very hard to accept. Today im trying to tell myself she did me a favor..look at it from a different perspective... someday if I meet someone else..maybe that person will have all the qualities that Hubby did not!
I definately feel he plays head games with me, says things he knows will keep me hanging on..because he is "unsure" ..but I need to not text with him. period.
I tried to email you ... it said undeliverable...I wonder if I wrote your email down wrong? Ill check again.
I hear you about the retainer, I was able to pay hourly and avoid one , but it does add up quickly.
you are also right in keeping communication to a minimum. If he a change of heart (again) and if you are willing to listen, set boundaries and focus on his actions, not his words.
I went back and checked to see if I wrote my e-mail wrong. It's right, but here it is again. skdahnke@earthlink.net
