It's Complicated! Part 5

[glamgirl]

Just as I figured, h was a no call now show today. Text around 3pm says Depressed not coming. Wow could have figured that.

I am livid. Now we need to complete our taxes and he is nowhere to be seen. I will have to forge ahead and file separately I guess. I asked h and NO response. Of course not, he's depressed. Sheez what an excuse. It's easy for him to throw that card in anytime he doesn't want to have any responsibilities. Never have I seen anything like this in my life.

Thanks Snodderly, this is never going to end unless I end it.

[a new 2moro]

GG you sound just like my H, he could never understand depression. even after he has gone thru one and to some degree is still in one.....dont let him know I said that.

when you are in the throes of a major depression you really dont give a f***. you cant , it saps the enegrgy out of you.

I know this from first hand, when you start to tumble down that deep hole as odd as it seems you only want dive in head first. years ago we were xmas shopping in a big dept store, i was dragging one foot after another taking all my energy to walk let alone think about what to get people. H turned arounnd got all mad and said " you dont care about xmas shopping do you???" I sat on the floor and cried "Nooooo" sat down in the middle of the store on my fanny and cried....well i did care...i just didnt have the energy to care.....

[glamgirl]

You are right ANew I don't understand it. It feels like my h just doesn't give a flying rats a** about anything, not even his kids. I tried reading some books, online articles and I still don't understand it. He makes ME not want to care, and that is not how I want to be, but emotionally I can only take so much.

I filed my taxes. Yeah! That was a big step for me on my own. H has filed them the past 9 years. I used Turbo Tax and filed my own. It's not the end of the world like I thought. I just felt like one more thing that we no longer do together. I can't worry about what h is going to do with his. I guess he can file an extension, if he is not up for doing them.

I have been detoxing my body the past few days and darn it the post office was handing out lattes and cookies and I gave in, now I feel sick to my stomach. Now I am kicking myself.

Thanks Anew for the post. Gives me another side, it's just so darn hard to understand when this happens. What do you do? Walk away? I have been loving and supportive and that doesn't seem to matter? I am at a loss as to what to do, other than just pull inward myself. I feel so disrespected and so SAD at the same time.

I do believe Anew that if you want to get out from under the depression, you do need to make life changes. Like eating healthy, regular sleep schedule, and exercise to name a few. My h says he is going to do this, but then doesn't. It is so frustrating.

[kjensen]

Remember your H's feelings and moods are not yours.
Don't take the depression and all of the behaviors that go with it personally. NONE of it has to do with you. The depressed person is in a bubble in their own world-its not the same world you live in...They know what they want to do, maybe even what they should do to feel better, but it is a HUGE effort to make even one stop towards that feeling better place. It takes time, sometimes meds/therapy..It seems to me it is easiest to deal with an H's depression by having compassion with distance and constantly remembering NOT to take the odd behaviors/comments/words so seriously or personally..

[plentyhope]

glam, Good for you for doing your taxes on your own. See - you can do it. Iw as so happy that I finished mine too on Sat. Let your H be - he has to travel his journey alone and there's nothing you can do to hasten his coming out of the MLC, except pray. Hugs to you.

[dl443322]

G, I know how hard it is for someone who hasnt suffered from depression to understand it. If your h is really in a depression, believe me when I tell you, it takes effort just to get out of bed. You want to help yourself, but it just seems to be too hard to do.

Please believe me when I tell you that it is an extremely difficult thing to go through. He has to go through it. And at some point, he will have to do the work he needs to. But you cant hurry it along.

It is an extremely debilitating illness. But that doesnt mean you have to take it on yourself. He needs to figure it all out on his own. It took 6 years for me to find the right combination and doses of meds. And it took 4 therapists to find the right one.

I know it is so hard for you to understand. But try to move forward with your life. Your h knows that you are there for him. Now you need to let him figure it out on his own.

Hang in there, my friend.

[glamgirl]

Well finally heard from h late today. H was suppose to be at the house by 2pm which I had no expecation for. I had to rely on s20 to help afterschool and the evening, since I had to work a night shift.

H was pissed that I filed the taxes without him. He said I had a choice. I said yes, I had a choice to file or not file. I sent him several texts asking him if he had any ideas before I file separately. I waited until 11am today before filing. No response!

Now he had to pay, since we didn't file together. I know he is angry with me, but I had no idea if he would show today or not. I had to work a night shift today and knew I wouldn't be able to complete the taxes when I got home after 10pm. I am not taking this burden on. He makes it out like I am bitch and did this on purpose. I did what I needed to do. Sorry, if it didn't fit his plan. Honor your committments and we wouldn't have had this issue.

He left abruptly when I arrived home and said goodbye. No walking him to the door or anything.

He will need to make changes for his life if that is what he chooses. I can't carry the burden for both of us.

[braveheart]

Well finally heard from h late today. H was suppose to be at the house by 2pm which I had no expecation for. I had to rely on s20 to help afterschool and the evening, since I had to work a night shift.

H was pissed that I filed the taxes without him. He said I had a choice. I said yes, I had a choice to file or not file. I sent him several texts asking him if he had any ideas before I file separately. I waited until 11am today before filing. No response!

Now he had to pay, since we didn't file together. I know he is angry with me, but I had no idea if he would show today or not. I had to work a night shift today and knew I wouldn't be able to complete the taxes when I got home after 10pm. I am not taking this burden on. He makes it out like I am bitch and did this on purpose. I did what I needed to do. Sorry, if it didn't fit his plan. Honor your committments and we wouldn't have had this issue.

He left abruptly when I arrived home and said goodbye. No walking him to the door or anything.

He will need to make changes for his life if that is what he chooses. I can't carry the burden for both of us.

Glam. if he got mad, tell him to scratch his ass and get glad! You gave him every chance to come over there and he laid around like some kind of a chicken sh!. I have no sympathy for him and neither should you! You did what you had to do, don't give it another thought or mention it to him again.

[glamgirl]

When h was over yesterday he did tell me how sorry he was. I just listened on the phone. He was sorry until I told him I filed my taxes. Then the conversation abruptly changed and he quickly ended the call.

He mentioned how he took 4 sleeping pills. Well h if you take that amount of dose, yes you can expect to be in a sleep coma for days. Now he says he is going to get off the AD's cold turkey, tossing the sleeping pills, not eating certain foods, and exercising. He says he is going to battle this depression with or without my support.

Well I have always thought I was there to support my h, but maybe not in the way he needs. I just listened.

I did say h we have C tomorrow (today), do you want me to cancel? He said does it matter? I said of course. I said will you be attending? He said, yes. Now the reason I mentioned cancelling was because he has been MIA and our C charges us if we don't go and he doesn't allow just one of us, since it is MC. So, I "guess" we are going today.

When h left he says he would be here at 2pm. I have no expecation for this. If he shows great, if not I owe the C money. It should be an interesting session if h attends.

I think my h has food allergies, but hasn't been tested. This is just one of the many things that I suggested my h be tested for. His Dr didn't think so, but I would ask to be tested. He eats certain foods and then drops into a deep sleep. I don't think that is normal. I think he has a gluten allergy, it runs in his family along with depression. Yikes!

Everything will need to start with my h. He is the only one that can make changes for his own life.

[braveheart]

Glam. I think your H was trying to goad you into a fight when you mentioned doing the taxes without him. What did he expect you to do, let the IRS come calling? I guess he thought he could just tell the IRS he is "depressed" and that would take care of it! LOL He doesn't need AD's, he needs a foot up his ass.