AK - as others will say sorry to see you here but welcome to what I think is the only place you will find answers! You are in good (though unfortunate) company, and there is a way through.
I will try to post to you thoughts and ideas as I can, I dont get much time here so I will hit you with what I can as I can. This is my second time around on this board, last time very very bad, this time better in some ways, but still requires me to relearn all I learned before, and try to stop forgetting what I learned!
First, I have something very hard for you. Admit to yourself that there very well might be a PA - admit it, decide if you would be able to forgive and get past it, then FORGET ABOUT IT.
But, I am serious, you must decide now if you have the strength and the love to forgive and move beyond a PA should you and W reconcile. Having been through this myself, I can tell you it will be one of the hardest things in your life to think about, and you must be sure because even if you are absolutely positive, on the other side you will have to deal with it for a long time (5 years later my previous sitch still haunts me almost daily, but I have made the decision to move beyond it)
Next, read more. Think about not your M, but yourself - what do you want to change or improve about yourself. It can be things that W complained about, or just observations about yourself. A major part of DB is being honest with ourselves and wanting US to be better - not for our W, not to save our M, but for ourselves. This is very important because restored M or not, you need to come out the other side a better person and happy with who you are.
Hang in there buddy, the roller coaster is brutal, but the end result of really getting DB is something money cant buy.
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