Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

Thank you imalright, Jackie and Dotto ~

Hope you are all doing well today. I am thinking of you and praying for you.

Brief update (got to do some work!!!!):

H is on his way home. SHould be home tonight! Yikes! Again, very very grateful, but bracing myself for him to come down from his high and fall back down to earth. Just hoping he will be happy enough with real life to stay.


Goals:

Personal goals:
8. No clinging - When H has time on his own, I put on a happy face, say,"Have a great time!" and go about my business. Pre-bomb, I felt sad sometimes when he would have time on his own b/c we had very little family time and NO couple time, so I missed him. This came across as me not wanting him to have time to himself/as me being jealous and selfish, etc.

9. Act as if I'm confident in my H's love for me - This one is harder. The first part, I think, is to act confident in myself. To act as if I can see why he would want to be married to me. The other part of this one, I think is to not act suspicious. If I'm confident that he loves me, I won't be worried about other women/girls and what might happen. This is tough, b/c of the A, but I'm trying really hard. Have to keep reminding myself, he's coming home. He is showing me that he wants to try, even though he hasn't said that yet. Not sure this is all of it. I feel these issues are linked, though. Tough to put my thoughts into writing.

12. Try to live everyday in faith and not live in fear -
I have several books I'm reading along these lines. Also, having some quiet time for prayer daily helps tremendously. I have found some great quotes and will post them when I get the chance. They are on fridge magnets, so I can read them all the time. I'll be running to the kitchen in tough moments!

13. Keep track of me - I will join the book group (Next meeting in November.) I will continue with the girls' night out group. I will add one other solo activity when $$ allows - ideas are yoga/aerobics/photography class.

R goals:
4. Balance of family, couple and individual time - This was a key factor in leading to the bomb. This will have to be determined based on our schedules and $$, but here is a rough idea: Date night for me and H every two to three weeks. Individual time once a week. Family time daily (at least meals together, with bigger activities on the other days.) And individual time for each child with both parents and also with each of us individually. We may be able to do this on a weekend day, if H and I aren't working the w/e, once a month. This sounds like baby steps which is all I think we'll be able to handle right now.

7. show him that I trust him - This is similar to #'s 8 and 9 above, but I can add no questioning when he goes out with work friends (which didn't happen very often pre-bomb.), acting confident when I'm around his work friends (this has gotten easier, but not sure how I'll do if I see the possible OP again. I've only had to act brave in front of the person I think may have been the OP once - and I was in the car with the children, H and girl were on bikes. They saw me and knew I had seen them. Just not sure how a face to face meeting would go. Gross!)

Thank you all again for posting. Hope you are doing well today. Any comments/opinions are welcome!