I'm in the same boat with the W and OM. I flip flopped a couple of months ago with wanting her to break it off and then acting as if it was ok. And my W has definitely been in the cake eating phase. Now she knows though that that phase is coming to an end. I laid it out the other night that I can't be cool with the OM thing. When she dropped the bomb she said it was because she wanted to work on herself to work on her self image, become more responsible, and prove to herself she could do it. I told her Sunday night that I would support her in doing that but not in doing that with OM in the picture. When she asked what I planned to do I told her it was to schedule an appt with a mediator to work out the finances and custody of D3 plus any other obligations to have the paperwork ready in case it came to that. She immediately started waffling about stuff (previously it was HER that wanted to move this along to a mediator) but I didn't budge this time. I had an IC appt. today and as soon as I got out W called and after some idle chit chat asked if I had talked to him about what I had went over with her. I told her yes and that he said he thought it was good for me. We talked about some other stuff and she was truly taken aback by my stand. I do still want my R to work and I do still love my W but I can't sacrifice my well being and my morals and beliefs for it. In our whole relationship I placated her and would never stand up for my wants and needs in fear that she would leave. Typical nice guy stuff. Because of that I think she lost all respect for me and that is a major reason I am in the place I am now. So in essence my stand now is a 180 for me. Albeit a great risk to take with a 180 it is one I have to do for myself and for D3. No matter what I have to show D3 how to stand up for your wants and beliefs and that will be through my actions. Is this a good stand for anyone's elses sitch...probably not but for mine it's what needs to be done and I will at least get my self respect back and hopefully the respect of my W. The good thing too is that since I dropped that on her over the weekend I have felt extreme relief and so much better about myself. My IC said it was self integrity validation and I should feel good about putting my needs and wants out there and for being open and honest with her on it. He said just to be sure that I follow my feelings and I communicate with W in clear and concise ways. The W has some thinking to do now and I believe she will have some stuff to work out with her IC now at the least.
