Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

Hi D,
A moment of weakness. I had a hunch(which was wrong, this time) and I've been trying to figure out if my H is being more open/honest with me. I get the feeling he is trying to be, but my trust in him is still low. It kind of feels like he is making efforts to be open/honest(the baby steps I mentioned), but I think I'm hesitant to trust him at this juncture. So driving by OW's house was a way of checking my instincts. Its not that I care too much at this point if he is seeing OW, but I do care if my instincts/hunches are incorrect/correct. Its only through my hunches that I figured any of this stuff out/confronted my H about A.

I have let go (pretty much)and I understand this A may go on awhile and I'm confident it will fizzle. I still have weak moments, moments where I question if H is really making the small/slow efforts that I think he is... I just don't want to be thinking things are improving when in fact the wool is being pulled over my eyes.. Does that make sense?

My H and I have had conversations about how our timing is off regarding being forthright..Sounds silly I know, but my H takes time to open up with me, to figure out what he is feeling/thinking-he doesn't disclose things as they happen and I don't think he ever has. I'm the opposite. I tell on myself so to speak. So H wanted me to understand that he will be open, but it may take awhile for him to process things and figure out how to be open..He wants me to be patient and allow him to share at his own pace.
So that is what I am trying to do. But I'm still working at it and feel the need to know things before H tells me..sometimes..