That would all depend on whether or not you still want to try to save your marriage.
Do you??
Puppy
I think I always go back to the "list" that I've come up with:
1. D1's best interests 2. W's getting help 3. Saving the M
That is my list of priorities. Of course right now with an active A, bizarre behavior, etc. out of W - I've got to look out for the kids first. I am capable of handling the emotional roller coaster, but they are not.
At this point, working on the M would require W to agree to far more than she'd ever accept in terms of boundaries. To give an example:
1. Complete the D with me having full custody of D1. 2. Her cover all my fees/expenses. 3. Formulate a pre-nup to leave this arrangment intact. 4. Remarriage contingent upon mental health help, etc. 5. Relocation 100+ miles away 6. New cell phone with no privacy 7. No privacy on the computer
Lots of things would have to happen before I'd even be comfortable trying again. She isn't even willing to negotiate over a coffee table for example.
So it seems an exercise in futility to expect the impossible, especially when she hasn't shown an interest (yet) to the M. She might in the future, but I can't live my life like that.
Unfortunately I have no choice at the moment but to be as aggressive as I can to draw this to a close a.s.a.p. to protect myself and stop throwing money away to lawyers.
Ideally? The clouds would part, the sun would shine down, a chorus of angels would sing, she'd end her A, come to me with remorse, humility, and a desire to do anything to save our M, and then would agree to get help, and then would agree to all the terms and work to earn her trust back.
Just don't see it happening. Because that would require her to admit that she has a flaw, and that would be tantamount to her not existing in her own mind.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
