I think it may be easier for me to see this with the kids than with my H b/c they are innocent and hurting. He is an adult and has hurt me terribly (Yes, I know, he's hurting too), and as our two and a half year old would say "He knows better" .
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche