hi guys and thanks the facebook thing is so wierd beacuse all my friends and all my family are still on her friends list, and my best friend is to, she knows that they tell me stuff even though i tell them not to, was wondering if there was a motive behind it, was she secretly hoping they would tell me? not going to let it bother me anyway, its superficial. i take on board your advice rob, and again thank you so so much. i will be noe limiting my contact and i wont text/phone her unless i need to regarding the kids or she text/phones me first, i did tell her i feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders since i acknowledge my contribution to the break up, and she responded i do to, she did say "i dont think your love for me is as intense as you think" i didnt really say anything in response i just shook my head, i thought she may of been looking for reassurance, but i could be wrong, maybe she was testing the water to see if it was still hot? if you get my meaning? i do go the gym and i love it, i also try to get out with friends when i can, sometimes its difficult with work, but i will try my best, i do go out with friends at least once a week, i will try and get it to twice a week,or maybe 3 lol. ive already changed my hair style and my wife seen a card in my car from the stylist, it read SKIN TEST, she said what is that? i said i have to have a skin test beacuse im havin a few tints of red put in my hair, she said o god your not havin a MLC,
im also going to add a bit of flair to my wardrobe, as for the tanning im already dark skinned to begin with, ive got olive skin and i look tanned all year round, people moan saying wish i had your skin and colour, my daughter and i went to my nieces 16th party this evening and my wife phoned me today and asked would i like for her to pick a present up while i was at work all day, i said yes thank you, so she did what she said she would. and text me to say, i have bought a few things and im paying, im not complaining lol, i said thanks and would it be ok if i put her name on the card and presents, "she said of course, dont ask silly questions, i want my name at the top lol" her sense of humour again, you see, her sense of humour is addictive and she knows it to.
your wisdom is making perfect sense rob and thanks again my friend, keep posting, i get stronger by the day
one more thing i would like to add, my wife changed her marital status long before i had acknowledged my contribution to the break up, so she was still in the mindset that i would never realise my part in this, like i said she has totally changed her thinking and her views since i met up with her and told her everything, so she would of been raw and angry at the point of changing her marital status, thanks guys speak soon
hi guys little advice please on this also, i feel im near breaking point and i would like to get away from everyone and everything, my wife my kids my buisness and all my friends and family, i know that is very selfish of me, but i feel i need to do something for me just me, and not to worry about anybody else, i could probably wrap things up at work in a few weeks and just go, how long i dont know, a week, 2 weeks a month, i just dont know. is this wise? please dont tell me im really selfish on the kids beacuse i know, and its killing me,
running away from your problems is the quickest way to come face to face with them.
Man up.
Yes these times suck, the pressure can be overwhelming, coupled with having to function while working, taking care of kids, home & yourself. It's lot on your shoulders.
But you can handle it.
Don't up and go on a trip and leave everyone behind (not yet anyways).
Do the required work, invest in personal development, feel stressed out, grab the mp3 player, go for a walk, go to the gym, sit on a bike, run around the track, pump some iron, hang out with friends, talk to a good friend and let out your frustration (ask their permission first).
It may get worse (probably will) before it starts to get better.
Don't obsess about the facebook thing, let her be who she wants to be as long as isn't doing it while using you as a doormat and emotional healing tool.
Setup a schedule with the kids & her so that you don't have to do as much contacting, focus on yourself and being a great dad - that's the part you have control over, that's the part you work on, that's the part that will fill up your time.
hi rob i hear loud and clear what your saying, i am a man and i faced some horrific times in my past, just thought a break away would do me the world of good, its been a long time since i did something just for me.i always do whats best for everone else, always. but i hear you and i wasnt thinking now just maybe in a few weeks or a month, ive got stuff i need to wrap up first, people are counting on my work to be deliverd, cheers buddy
you know what, if you never ever did that kind of stuff before like you said, then maybe that is your 180 (one of many), maybe you should consider going away for a few days, just you.
That would do you a world of good and here's why...
You need to start doing things for yourself and you need to get used to making yourself happy and you need to get used to making decisions that benefit you.
What this does is shows that you value yourself, you have self-respect, you're a man, you choose the direction in your life and you're courageous enough to improve your life which means making changes for YOU and not for your wife or anyone else.
Make sense?!
Cheers bro (you know I was in birmingham, england in Dec 2007 on a work trip, I miss that place and the people. The driving I could do without but everything else was great!)
don't tell your wife where you are going either and don't tell her you're going by yourself, tell her you're going with a friend, someone she doesn't know (and don't hint at the gender either, just leave it at that)
(mystery is very attractive)
She has your cell# I'm sure, she can contact you in the event of an emergency.
cheers rob why the change of heart? your right ive never ever done anything like that before, ie just going away on my own. i wasnt thinking of telling anyone, just going, i even thought of leaving my phone behind, is that wise? should i just send a polite text saying im going away for a bit, i will speak to you when i get back. something like that, will she hate me for not telling the kids? will the kids feel ive abandoned them?
by the way im only an hours drive from birmingham, just a little further north, i love birmingham, and yes the driving is manic, you should try london lol its twice as bad
cheers rob why the change of heart? your right ive never ever done anything like that before, ie just going away on my own. i wasnt thinking of telling anyone, just going, i even thought of leaving my phone behind, is that wise? should i just send a polite text saying im going away for a bit, i will speak to you when i get back. something like that, will she hate me for not telling the kids? will the kids feel ive abandoned them?
well the change of heart wasn't for me, it was for you.
180's
doing the opposite of what you normally do.
As for leaving the phone behind, don't. Keep it on you, you're a responsible person, in the event of an emergency you want to be contacted.
Tell her you're going away for a few days, she can reach you by phone in case of emergency, it's a personal trip and you'll keep a lid on the details as to where you are going - she doesn't need to know - it's just something you need to do, obviously tell the kids you love & miss them already (because you always want to be appear as the greatest dad ever).
180's not only show that you're not boring, they make you interesting, they make you mysterious, they make you attractive and they also show that if you change your habits you are capable of change.
