We are using a mediator -- the best one in our area, and one of the best in our state. I'm hoping he can keep us on track. I learned enough from my last go-around (I filed, contested, going for full custody due to her infidelity) to feel fairly comfortable, and if she starts fighting me on stuff I have my guy still on the side for a consult if need be. What I DON'T want her to do is retain the counsel she did last time, as "a", she's a bulldog, and "b", she's expensive and I'd end up paying for her.
I'm glad you mentioned the tax deductions -- we need to account for who gets those (me!).
Again, my challenge is that I'm really looking at some sort of a "2-staged" agreement here: one for NOW, while we still have a $4k/mo. house noose around our necks, and one for after it's sold, and I can just pay her some flat monthly amount in spousal support, for some finite period of time (I'm proposing 10 years).
