This is my first post so I apologize in advance if I don't have the abreviations correct yet. Where to begin? My wife came back from a trip in January and told me she need "space" but never really told me why. I was incredibly hurt buy this! I went down all the bunny trails, is there someone else, do you not love me anymore? She said not to the other man thing so I did not know what to think. This went on for a few weeks and I finally blew up at her (I know bad move) that pushed her over the edge.
The last 4 months my life has gone into a tailspin, the more I tried the worse it got, we are now living apart. We are selling everything and getting our won places, but not divorcing, which is odd. It has been 4 months since I have heard I love you, had any physical contact, she is waiting to see if I become a changed person like she has (more on that later). (This next part happened a few days ago) I was always under the impression (she gave it to me) that she was not looking and would wait until we get divorced to start dating. Well, I was using her computer and open a document (snooping I know) and what I saw stopped me in my tracks. It was a journal entry about a man she meet in class (over seas intensive for 2 weeks) and it was very heartfelt. She basically painted him as her ideal man, but she barley knows him????? We have been together for 17 years and married for 12,we have 2 boys (6 and 4), how can she do this. I confronted her on this and she admitted to having a "crush" on him but nothing has happened and he does not even know. We got into a big fight and I lost my cool. (why do I keep handing her a hammer and nails) Then she got angry because (and she is right) I violated her trust and read something private. From there it has been even worse, she has told me she may "explore" her feeling for him, so I guess the no dating clause is off the table. He lives in Europe and will be here at the end of May, then he goes back. How can she have a relationship with a guy that A: she does not know and B: is on a different continent. I realize she has painted a picture of him and she really does not know him from Adam, but now I feel I have competition. I'm trying to GAL and unplug, but it is so hard. I love her and want this to work.
About her changes, she has been seeing a counselor for almost a year and at first it was very positive, but now the changes are extreme. She views herself as a new person and letting her old life go (all at the advise of her counselor). The only part of her old life that she wants is our boys, other than that she is on a wait an see mode (it is hard to convey how bleak she is) when it comes to me. Sometimes I feel that she is "better" than me because I'm not part of this new group she is in. She wants me to grow but has told me on several occassions that she does not think I can change based on our past. (ever seen invasion of the body snatchers?) I'm ready to do back flips for her and all I do is push her away and maybe into the arms of another. She has dropped out of our circle and surrounded her self with woman that are leaving there husbands.
I'm so frustrated because I want to save my marriage! I'm a good person, good father, good job...etc. Our relationship was not perfect and I totally admit I'm 50% of the problem, but I also want to be part of the solution. I keep making matters worse, for example: I asked her what it was about this guy that was so appealing, she said he never let his emotions run his life, a direct shot over my bow!
I devastated by all this, and I do not know what to do. I'm going to counseling and trying to stay positive. I TRYING to GAL but that is so hard!!!!! I just want to shake her and say "why are you destroying our family, can't you see I love you?" I have only seen her cry once (miss I'm in control of my emotions) and after that she made it a point to tell me that will NOT happen again.
I'm rambling on...and there is a lot more to say but I bet you can fill in the blanks. Basically wife drops bomb, I go into panic mode thus making matters worse, we separate, she might be having and emotional affair that may lead to a physical affair, I'm in the dumps. Any questions? Any insight would be appreciated!

PS- I have not mentioned my boys and how much the mean to my wife and I. I refuse to put them in the middle, but they have witnessed a few fights and for that I'm deeply sorry.


M: 36
W:36
M: 12 years
Together 17
2 boys (6 and 4)