I Never Imagined Being Here

[Making_IT]

hello my friend,
just be careful on boxing her stuff up, i had the same problem, wife took some stuff but left some behind, she asked for it on a few occasions and i just put it off, eventually i had to sort her belongings out,
so i packed away her stuff and took them to her mothers house while she was at work,
when she arrived there she told her sister and mother that i probably couldnt wait to get rid of her, and i soon got over her,
you see i got the blame for packing up her stuff when it was her that left,
how wierd is that? how could i get the blame for that, she turned it around like it was me that threw her out,
just be careful buddy, maybe you could ask your wife to collect it, that way you cant be blamed,
take care my friend and good luck to you, i was thinking about you today, and i hope you get the luck you deserve

Thank you for sharing your experience beno.

This is the kind of thing that is really confusing right now. I want to save my marriage first and foremost. The harder that I pulled the harder she pushed. I saw that pretty quick.

Now I am struggling with ways to push away and work on myself all while not further damaging the marriage. I know she would turn it around on me if I boxed her things, she has gotten pretty good at turning just about anything around on me that comes to her mind.

My point is that I don't want to be her doormat. I have owned up to my failure in our communication problem. I also realize that I can't change the past, but can only learn from it and move forward. She says that she feels the communcation failed on both sides, but then she only turns around and blames me for everything that she didn't like for 15 yrs and bottled up and didn't say anything at the time. I don't want to be her safehouse that she keeps off to the side forever. If she was putting effort in working on the marriage and our relationship, I wouldn't have such a firm stance. It seems like she is doing the opposite. Every time we talk or meet she pushes further away and then tells me "I still don't know what I want right now." This state of limbo really sux! My perception of her pushing is that she is only trying to make herself want to be away. She doesn't seem to be trying to serious consider making things work.