Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

Hi everyone ~ Hope you are all doing well today. I am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Feeling a little down today - will vent here to try and prevent venting to my H.

H was supposed to leave today to come home, but so far, there's no indication that this will happen. He is packing stuff, but no mention of beginning his trip home.

Last week he had been saying how he was really ready to get home, and that he'd leave on Monday and head straight home (no sightseeing on the way), and now it's Monday, and what's he doing?

My suspicious side says maybe he's changing his mind now that it's really time to come home, but this probably isn't it.

I'm just tired - our oldest child is sick again.
It's just hard to hear "I'm going over to _____'s house tonight. They invited me to dinner." When I've been caring for the children basically on my own for 8 months now. I wanted to say, "Get in the car and come home. I need a break. I'm tired of doing this by myself." Of course I didn't say this and feel sure I didn't let my H know I was thinking these things. I said something like, "How much fun to cook out. They sound like a nice couple." And stuff like that.

Despite the fatigue, taking care of the children on my own for this time has truly been a blessing. I am much more confident as a mother (we did a 5K - I walked, they rode in a jog stroller - for breast cancer a few weeks ago. This is something I would never had done by myself pre-bomb.) And I cherish this time with the children so much - they are precious and changing every day. They grow up way too fast. I don't understand how my H can be away from them for such a long time.

Our oldest child has also been saying some things like, "I don't love you, mommy. I love daddy." and "I'm not your baby, I'm daddy's baby." I know she doesn't mean this or even really understand what she's saying - she's only two and a half. I'm guessing this is one of the ways she is dealing with his absence, but it still hurts a little to hear it.

Sorry for the sadsack post. Just think better to post here than to let my H hear all this. Thanks for "listening." This bb is truly a blessing.