Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

First Thread

So I guess my thread locked-not sure how that works..

Met with my IC this morning. She kind of (nicely) stressed (over and over!) how I had to be less available to my H and move his office out of the house... I got it. IC also made point that my H should have to work for me, chocolates, dinner..wooing me..I'm not sure about that but from her viewpoint I'm definitely not as detached as I thought. H in small steps seems to be making an effort. If I look at everything more objectively the steps are REAL small, but they are steps forward. I think in my head/heart I don't want to rock the boat by sudden distancing til my San Diego trip is a fait accompli(done). After the trip,whether H goes with me or not, I think I'll be able to distance a lot more.

I did drive by OW's last night and H wasn't there! Texted with H later for an hour. Proposed the theory that his insomnia is related in timing to his relationship with OW-he, of course didn't see it, but I hope the idea rumbles around in his head and he talks to his therapist about it..I definitely think its guilt/emotional conflict keeping him awake at night. His med RN upped his AD dose today and gave him something new to help him sleep.

H asked me out to lunch for today, but he had to change plans due to a client(tax issue) emergency meeting...I expressed slight disappointment and H actually did too...So we'll see if he reschedules.

I did sleep all night(first time in awhile) and woke up calm/refreshed. Onward and forward..I plan to be as unavailable as possible. Definitely no initiation of contact. I did ask H if he would take the girls part of this weekend(OW's free weekend) and he was hesitant but would see if they'd be willing.

We'll see if he actually follows through. I'll admit its kind of a test b/c OW should be free this weekend if I've done my detective work properly..I'm just trying to figure out without directly asking if he is still seeing her regularly. I want to know if the baby steps towards me are sincere/real OR if I'm just a back-up of sorts..